Make It A Double

Did you know it's possible to be suspended from school  AND be asked NOT to return all because you’re an ASS-MUNCH?? Yepper - we sure did find out that the hard way! I should have followed the clues when….. 

  

1. They raised his tuition rate  for the upcoming year   
2. After my "Teacher Conference" that was oh so delightful …...you know where they listed that he had a "Superior Attitude " and was "A know it All" and " Rude" oh...... and all time favorite "Stated that DAD wanted to see the teachers credentials".  
3. Of course the "Fart Spray" incident didn't help things  

 

I thought we were back on track … clearly I need a new road map because …....Boy was I wrong, the hubster called me on Wednesday and said "I'm on my way to pick up your boy - he's been suspended for the rest of the week. He was causing a commotion"  WTF??? But in the 15 minutes it may have taken the hubster to get to school - it was "He is suspended for the rest of the year. ….. And we will send home his exams to take AT HOME" …..Oh and…. "We don’t want him back here unless you can guarantee that his attitude and behavior has changed" …..UMMMM and how do you think we are able to guarantee that he wont be an ass?? I mean hello?? I have been working on that for 13 years now .. Hasn’t happened yet!!! He is still an ass!!! 

 

 I still am unsure of WHAT exactly happened, according to PC all he did was "move a desk" ...the other kid(s) were actually "expelled"  and I guess the commotion was yelling, screaming and cussing … and PC moving the desk……Pretty sure "Your Suspended" and "We don’t want you back" are the same as being "Expelled" …...but what do I know? It all seemed to happen so fast that my head is still spinning. The only other call we ever had in 2 years was after the Fart Spray last week!! Could he really be that much of a jerk-wad to the teachers?? No need to shake your head and agree...I have no doubt that the answer is ...YES  he could!!! OMG!!!!

 

 Not that I am making light of this, I really am trying to keep calm and not choke the life out of him or the hubster - because I think he is being WAY TO NICE about it ….I really don’t want to be featured on the 6pm evening news…..and trust me when I say it hasn’t been easy, I'm mad, angry, frustrated , humiliated and simply pissed off at this kid!! Pretty sure the tears I have shed over the last few days and nights have actually been produced from the steam that has been coming outta my ears. How did this happen?? How did it come to this?? And a ton of WTF's sprinkled in.....

 

So here I am …….the proud parent of a child who made Magna Cum Laude the first grading period and was kicked out for being an ass-munch by the 2nd grading period. WTF?? Today I get an email from the school … that to make things easier on me (us) we have 2 choices  regarding PC taking his exams …..he can keep the grades that he currently has as his "Final Grades" or he can take the Exams which depending on the scores could HELP or HURT   his current final grade … .I braced myself ….thinking obviously if he was being such an ass-munch (my new favorite word) then his grades must be horrible, how can someone causing so much commotion pay attention and be getting good grades….obviously he is failing miserably …… 

 

Drum Roll Please  

Algebra B+ 

Language Arts A 

Geography C- 

Science C+ 

Fast Forward B 

TA C+ 

Journalism A 

 

Hummm….mind blowing eh? Ummmm,  I voted to keep those grades as his current final grade , because really  they are pretty good … I know I couldn’t pull an B+ outta my ass right now in Algebra … I was Googling  the how to video's to figure out his math homework last week!! And do I want to be screaming and yelling anymore then I already am doing right now with our situation about him doing these freaking exams at home!! Of course I have no intention on telling PC that he does not have to take them, I think I may even get a copy of them and make him take them anyways…...just for fun.  

 

 

The last 2 days I have signed him up to work with Mama Pepper  and helping her with things, I refuse to let him sit around and think he is on some friggen vacation …. Nope we will work him like  a dog. There is no computer, no video games, no cell phone ….for the entire SUMMER …..just chores, chores oh and more chores. And if I have to box up all those things so that the hubster wont cave … so be it … I have the boxes already to be pack and some duck tape to wrap it up and plop it in my next yard sale!! Maybe ever slap a sticker on his head (maybe both PC and Hubster if they don't straighten up)  - free with a purchase!!!

 

So now what?? So where do we go from here?? Where am I sending the ass-munch for 8th grade?? I have no friggen clue..... yet ….... 

 

 Where do I go from here?? Straight to the mini bar and grabbing the tequila ….Mama needs a double tall margarita its been a rough week!!!!  

 

 

Your Grounded .... FOREVER

Just when I think I am going to get the MOTY Award (Mother of the Year) after PC

found a dead squirrel down ...the street, so as anyone who knows this boy ...they know that means the world has ended...... (Pretty sure he'd rather see a dead person in the road then an animal) ... He wanted to go down and bury it.....so "WE" grabbed a mini shovel and a towel , and "WE"  drove down the block and buried the dead (thankfully not squished) squirrel by the creek. And when I say "WE" I mean "ME" because he was way to emotional...and we even said a little squirrel prayer....I thought maybe just maybe .........that would get me some kind of  Wonder Mom  cape,  wand, or maybe a  tiara...... Nope none of the above!!!

 

Fast forward a few days and we are all going in our matchy, matchy outfits for our 1st ,yes,  1st real family photo shoot out at the beach, Hubster bought me a session for X-mass and PC agreed that he would actually partake in this family photo event ....Hummm I guess that we should have done it the day he bought the session and not 4 months later when the groupon was set to expire.......So there we are all in our matchy, matchy outfits, looking like a perfectly normal, sane family and in a blink of an eye .......... ....there we were looking like the  perfectly dysfunctional ~ insane family that we are!! PC transformed from a 13 year old to a 3 year old in a blink of an eye .... and resembled  Cousin It and would not look up and get the friggen hair out of his face. ...Needless to say ... we have no shoots with all 3 of us, it ended up just me and the Hubster gazing in to each others eyes as we smiled and whispered sweet nothings to each other such as ... "I'm gonna freaken kill him " and "Yeah me too" ... now smile big for the photographer ... we stopped the photo shoot after a few pictures.

OMG Seriously?? Cant we do one family photo we could at least pretend to be a normal family right?? At least in pictures!!! I should of just taken the dogs at least they would smile for the camera and be happy to be there with their family ... ..as dysfunctional as we maybe!!

 

Sadly this little incident happened the day before his 13th birthday and he ended up being very grounded for being such as ass!!! And being the mean mom I am .....I made him do his make up work ....yep on his birthday ... at one point PC looked at me and said "This is not a very fun birthday" and I blurted out "And do you know WHY???" yep he did know, do maybe he is learning ....

 

At least I will always remember when he turned 13 ...all I will have to do is look at my family photo portrait .........who is missing part of the family ....WTF???

 

So the adventure didn't stop there nope...sure did not ..... the next incident happened at school...

Facebook Friend ...Not Yet

Oh boy, looks like I have a friend request ...here let me click and see who wants to be friends......
Oh it's ........Oh Hell No.............WTH?? It's PC!!! What?? How on earth am I getting a friend request from PC my darling son ....who after the "teacher conference" was suppose to be grounded from the computer!!! How am I getting a friend request when he doesn't even have a Facebook account because he is not 13 yet (apparently he was born in 1999 according to his account)  ?? And how am I getting a Facebook friend request from the grounded child, on the Facebook account he isn't allowed or old enough to have...... and how is it that he is sending it at 10am ...which happens to be while he was at school ...taking exams!!!OH And lookie who has already accepted his friend request .... that's right you guessed it the HUBSTER and both grandma's oh the aunts and uncles ...all but his mom!!!


I know, I know....most people would be thrilled to get a Facebook request from their darling child, right? Some days I think I may have to "un-friend" Mama Pepper .....when I get a "PEPPER" when she doesn't like what I have posted!! Hello I am 29 (and holding) I'm not 12  .. (I so see a PEPPER in my VERY Near future!!!)  and I will certainly need to unfriend her if she ever learns to add photos!!! So my first thought well besides the HOW did this happen, was WTH?? No, no , no what is he crazy?? There is NO way that he and I can share social media platforms...it's not possible .......I use Facebook and this blog to rant and rave about how bat-shit crazy this boy makes me........ I certainly don't want him reading about it!!I don't want him to realize I have a entire blog to rant and rave about him and the Hubster ......No way that would spoil my big plans later in life ...... I have big plans for this journal (aka blog that I will someday be famous for I am sure) yep  I am keeping, track of his life, I only wish I had started sooner!! I guess I will need to start doing some "Back In The Day" post ......


My Easter Card from PC -

I have dreams of him meeting a nice girl, moving out of the house before he is 30,  getting married, and me giving her a kiss on the cheek and handing her a published manual of my blog posts ...maybe titled ..."He Wonders WHY He's An Only Child...Let Me Count The Ways" and telling her good luck...and then I will be running out the door yelling "He's your Pain In The Ass now Sweetie"  and on my way to Mexico! Or another idea would be to wait until PC has a child of his own , lean over give him a kiss and a publish manual titled "Karma's a Bitch -You Should Have Listened To Your Mama" and yelling good luck buddy I hope he's just like you and running off to Mexico ...because I certainly don't want to have to babysit the mini me child!!!

Am I being selfish by not accepting his request? Does he really care that I haven't accepted it? I doubt it, he probably doesn't even realize I have yet to accept it.  Should I accept and post really embarrassing photos of him as a child?? SO Tempting but  um ...probably not since Mama Pepper seems to spill the beans on me as a child to PC ...so she would be digging up photos galore and HE would teach her to post them ...and it wouldn't just be of me with the big... bad hair, my girlfriends I am sure would also be featured in her "Throw Back Thursday" photos if she knew how to post them!!
Mama Pepper " Oh he was so upset about what the teacher said at school  ...so I told him that one time you said the teacher was being mean to you  ...so I went in to yell at the teacher and he said you always called him baldy "  ......MOTHER  .....good  gravy Mama Pepper ....don't tell him that stuff ..... PC's now is a vegetarian (as of last week)  .... Mama Pepper pipes in " Well you stopped eating just about everything at his age...I even had to pack a cooler of foods you would eat when you went away" GOOD Gravy ..... stop giving him ammo would ya???

 I think there is to much drama for him to be on FB .......and I certainly don't want to have to Stop...Think...Post before I fire off anything inappropriate..... or rant about PC ... I know I SHOULD do that regardless... I just don't wanna!!! So I will click ignore ...until I am ready to share this slice of the pie!

He Said What???

I've sat through many parent teacher conferences over the years with PC, from my very first conference with Ms. Kitty his preschool teacher, which had to be my favorite as she was spinning all the positive vibes about how he will be such a leader ...and not a follower... to the time I went to his 6th grade conference with 7 of his teachers and  they were SHOCKED he wasn't British ... because apparently he had been using a fake accent in all his classes at  school, and then we had the conference today.....where I wanted to crawl under the table and hide!!!

Backing up a few weeks ago, I got a call from one of PC's teachers and she left a message that PC " thinks he is tech support and is changing the settings on the computers, swapping out batteries for the laptops, and changing where documents are stored. Please have a talk with him........ " well you get the idea, of course the standard reply from your tween who is in trouble is " It wasn't me" and " I didn't do anything" and since I am such the bad guy and can start WW2 by just speaking (or breathing most days) or asking a question to PC ... that seems to set off fireworks so I let Hubster talk it out with him and get to the bottom of it, problem solved. I even followed up with the teacher when she called for another reason to make sure he was complying with the rules and the computers and she said YES he was, and that NO he wasn't changing things on the computers.

So thankfully for me (at least today) , the parent teacher conferences are set up with 1 teacher,  the homeroom teacher, she gets feed back from everyone else and brings it all to the conference ....  so there I sit and as I am scanning the comments from his beloved teacher whom he has for 3 of his 7 classes I see " and he(PC)  made the comment that "His dad wants to see my credentials because he does not believe I know what I am doing" .....OMG!!!! I am ready to climb under the table and call it a day - all while the homeroom teacher is reading the comments out loud ... clearly I can read ... and I am pretty sure I muttered a "OMG and are you friggen kidding me" she stopped short and said "Oh... Wow"....I mean really what do you say to that???? Because I can image Hubster and PC having this conversation since PC is 12 going on 32 and knows everything about anything! Other comments were " He is so bright and capable of doing the work" and  " he has superior attitude at times" and "he complains all class long", and 'when he does work he does great work"  So really it almost sounds like he is at home!!

Needless to say we all know he is bright and can do the work, but he is stubborn and lazy and apparently busy throwing his dad under the bus with the teachers..........so I came home handed the reports to Hubster since he didn't want another round of WW2 to explode and I did what any reasonable level headed mom would do... I took the dogs to the dog park! That way I didn't go to jail for strangling PC, there was no screaming and yelling like a lunatic mama that we know I can be and the pups were happy and will sleep well tonight.

The Hubster and PC rode their bikes to the dog park and chatted and hopefully none of the conversations were about the teachers credentials or anything else he will be repeating in the heat of the moment to his teachers...............

What are you doing at 3:30am???

So what were you doing at 3:30am this morning??

At 3:30am Prince Charming was standing in my doorway 

PC: "Mom …mom.."  my blurry eyed self looking at the clock and not seeing any flames bursting from his ass I am able to mutter a few words....

Me:" WHAT???"

PC: "Where’s the flea comb?"

Me: "Huh? WHAT?? It’s 3:30am what the hell are you doing???"

PC: "I woke up and found a flea on PeeTree" (the cat)

Me: "Get your ass back to bed- its 3:30am! If she has a flea we will get it tomorrow" then I mumble grumble some more and roll over... thinking that obviously he would return back to bed as he was told....yeah  right who am I kidding???

PC: “UGHHHh but I found a flea on her” …so he goes in the  bathroom turns the light on, in the kitchen turns all the lights on and starts opening the cabinets and he is not a quite ninja that is for sure

So by now the dogs are all awake thinking clearly it must be morning … must be time to eat because we are all up and noisy!!!! And of course the only person NOT awake in the entire house as he is snoring away on the couch is the hubster ….

Me: “What are you doing??? It’s the middle of the night!!! I have no idea where a flea comb is we can look for it in the morning!!! Now get your ass back to bed”

PC: "NO I have to find the comb, remember when the cats got infested with fleas at the old house, and we had to shave them. All it takes is ONE flea!!" add  dramatic hand shaking to prove his point. Okay so he can remember a bad summer of fleas 5 years ago...but can not remember to pick his dirty clothes up off the floor .....something I rage about every friggen day???

Me: "OMG go to bed, none of the animals have fleas- I’m sure it was dirt!!!! And besides you already said you got the flea! GO TO BED!!Before you wake dad"

PC: glancing at the couch where Hubster is still snoring away ..."Yeah right ...like he is gonna wake up" okay okay he's got me on that one

I made the fur-babies march back to bed, disappointed that they were not getting breakfast when obviously they should be getting fed .....after all everyone was up and ready for their day. Me being the crazed sleep deprived mom I am, ordered PC to go back to bed... and then I went back to bed........

Tap. tap, tap , click, click, click .... Rolling over I look once again blurry eyed at the clock 4:05am .....I fling the covers off,  march into PC's room ..... demand he get off the computer and once again get his ass in that bed, I  don't care if you fall asleep, just pretend!!!!

Clunk, clunk , clunk .......OMG are you kidding me??? 4:27am ...once again flinging the covers off me, storming into PC's room I snap "Would you stop just stop.....with all the freaking noise"

PC: "Huh? What noise" because clearly when you are wearing headphones, you cant hear that you are making such a racket by kicking the wooden  armrest up and down on the futon!!!

OMG- and he wonders why he is an only child!!!
 

 

Is My Bed Ready Yet??

OMG!! Where did this month go???
Well lets see ......
I have finally discovered how to have a peaceful, non arguing morning, complete with no yelling for Prince Charming  to get in the shower, wash (don't just lay there in the tub and use up all the hot water), hurry up in the shower and yes another reminder to wash ...with soap and shampoo... ....hurry and get out of the shower!!!  This peaceful morning also included No complaining about how the breakfast I have made sucks, the lunch I packed sucks.....well here's an idea for you genius ....don't take so long in the shower and you'd have time to have a say in what's for breakfast and you could pack your own friggen lunch!!! But NO why would we do that when its so much fun to moan, groan and complain and just make our mornings oh so ......loud ~~ mainly because I am yelling like a crazed mental patient by 8:08 for PC to get out of the friggen shower and get dressed ... because we leave at 8:10am - yeah ... that doesn't happen often ...and then he is all crabby in the car because he has to put his shoes on, eat the breakfast that sucks  in the car .. and what ?- you packed this for lunch ?? I don't like that..it sucks.....lets just say school mornings...or any morning I have to poke the bear to get up ...is a morning that indeed sucks!!!  

However ~ I have discovered the secret how to take a nice hot, long, quite bubble bath all by your self, without 4 legged fur babies like the cats or pups or even the hubster coming to see what you are doing.......I have discovered how to sleep without being woke up by my fur babies all hours of the night, how NOT to have to cook (hahaha not that I do it often), or do dishes, unload the dishwasher or laundry or any of those other pesky domestic duties that you have to do....

So what's my secret?? How did I manage to do this? Have I run away and changed my identity? Well not that I haven't contemplated that option a few (thousand) times ......over the years .....

I shall call you ..... "Cha-Ching"

It’s been a long month and a half with our little new fur baby Jill, and finally I think the light at the end of the tunnel is a good thing…..and NOT the train getting ready to run me over! Adopting her spur of the moment (ok …well kinda… spur of the moment) we have certainly had our fair share of issues!! She has had tons of medical issues starting from day one of adoption! I am thinking I should rename her to “Cha –Ching” because she is costing a fortune between kennel cough, demodectic mange (needing 3-6 treatments at $100 a dip OMG…..we are on treatment # 3), tape worms (the most disgusting thing I have EVER seen), a UTI infection (seriously??).  And just last week I had to take her to the Emergency Vet ~ (OH COME ON)!!! I had flash backs from being there with Rigby…who we dubbed the “Golden Kitty” after he had to have emergency surgery!! 

Waiting and waiting for the doc to come in

Thankfully she didn’t need surgery or anything drastic like that! The diagnose they came up with after me sitting there for 3 hours was “Non Specific Gastro” so really … they had no idea what caused her to be sick to her tummy…for $260 they could have made up a fancy name……..but they gave her a shot to stop the vomiting, a pill to stop the runs and some fluids to replace everything that came outta my poor girl!! She just laid all curled up in my lap ....while my leg went numb ... and growled when ever the door bell woke her!

 But I have to say ….Jill woke up one happy pup the next  morning, wagging her tail and giving her morning kisses (did I mention that both Jack and Jill are my new bunk mates~ good thing hubster sleeps on the couch) that I would have paid twice that amount ~ but we certainly won’t tell the vet that!!! Finally she is feeling better and she hasn’t had any accidents in over a week!! So we won’t have to change her name to “Piddles” either!

Now as far as mischief goes …… well ………Jack and Jill  have been in full force mode on that!

The hubster told me the other morning that he had to go into the office for a couple of hours ..……hum well that poses a problem doesn’t it? We have 2 pups and 1 crate…. I even contemplated calling in sick (I know not the most ethical thing to do …..but OMG leaving the fur babies unattended for 2 plus hours.. …they make horror movies outta stuff like that!!!) Prince Charming chimed in and said he would stay home with them….. umm………almost considered that option too! In the end I made a Redneck attempt at a barricade to get them all blocked into the craft room ……….they had all the comforts they would need…….I had their beds, toys, snacks, water and I even left the TV on so they would have something to watch …….as they laid there quietly and behaved!!! Apparently they must not have like the show I left on ……….when the hubster returned home he started sending me pictures!!My attempt had failed……..  If it wasn’t for my little angel face Jill caught in the act of sleeping on the couch I’d think the cats framed them …… okay so maybe I should have called in that day ……because clearly I was delusional thinking blocking them in would work!!

Jack and Jill are also helping speed up the process of our redecorating efforts……. The hubster has been looking to update our curtains for some time now …….

Guess the kids thought that sooner would be better then later!!! So we currently are living in a fish bowl after we had to take them down completely and all the fur babies (3 cats and the 2 pups) are really enjoying not having those pesky curtains in the way of their view outside!!!

Oh what fun this has been............

 

Guilty As Charged

It’s true what they say, when you have a good child first you have another thinking it will be the same..… but when you have a bad child first ….you stop at one… PC is a prime example!! Not that he was necessarily  “bad” …he was errrr... difficult and busy…….busier than the other rug rats out there ~ that’s for sure!! PC was born bullheaded (he got that trait from the hubster and not me~ I am as flexible as a Twizzler) he did what he wanted and that was that! WELL …….. he is still like that … which is why we stopped at one!!!

In my next life I plan to be wiser, and listen to all the unsolicited advice I am given, and think things through …….before I go off halfcocked and do what I want to do and not listen to the wiser ones (hum maybe I am a tiny bit bullheaded) …No….…who do I go and listen to ???? I listen to the ones that say YES you should totally do that!!!  Current example….  get a 2^nd puppy! OMG – I am thinking that my sweet Jill is the devil dog in disguise and is now corrupting my sweet Jack because he is looking GUILTY lately!!!

Sweet little Jill, the shoe eating little bitch has managed to destroy my beautiful plants out in the back yard, and then looks up at you with that sweet little face like “What? I don’t know what happened”.  Jack …he looks guilty well that and I’ve seen him racing off with plants hanging out of his mouth as he runs around the back yard!

Now my sweet little girl, the shoe and plant eating little one has resorted to a life of crime…. She is now stealing and has an accomplice to help her destroy the evidence! What dog digs out of the yard ……..and returns?? Not only returns… but returns with items that do not belong to her ….. That would be Jill ….I checked out back to see what Jack was barking at, and I saw  his  tail a wagging as he had his head shoved under the fence ….I run over there yell for Jill and............. up pops a red and blue ball!!! As she wiggles her fat little body back through the hole she had freshly dug wagging her tail with that “What? “ face and  Jack races off with his new (stolen) treasure  as happy as can be!!!

I know the “right and mature” thing to do would have been to get the ball from Jack and toss it back over the fence, but I have never claimed to be mature!! Besides, if I took it now, Jill would have just gone back over to get it!! And the neighbor’s grandkids come like once a month and when they are there, they yell and scream, climb up on the fence, and get the dogs all barky barky!! So nope I let the “fur kids” keep the ball….like I said ……never claimed to be the mature one! Checking back on Jack and Jill, the evidence of them ever having a red and blue ball had disappeared … into about 100 foam pieces scattered throughout the yard …… Jack is Jill’s accomplice in her crime spree…….

So to the list of things my sweet little Jill and her accomplice Jack have eaten (this week) …….. you can now add the TV remote …. PC and hubster left the 2 angels unattended while they ran to the grocery store ( WTH??? Why they ever thought that was a good idea I will never know ~ they don’t behave when we are HOME and you left them on the honor system) and came home to a half-eaten remote …(and we were surprised at this???) Your kidding right??? Good thing hubster is a Mr. Fix It or we would have been stuck watching the “ Remote Guide Station” !!! Maybe they were trying to change it to animal planet!! Maybe I need to sign them up for  “Canine Delinquents”  I see they are offering a class this weekend at the SPCA….


And I am assuming at one point .. that the pups will realize that the growling and hissing from the cats .................DOES NOT  translate to ...... a "YES please come closer"!!

Mastering The Art of 2

Jack is quite smitten with his new baby sister!! And she has him wrapped right around her little paw!  When she barks he comes a running, she has mastered the art of collecting all of his toys, no matter what he is playing with....they will be hers ...all hers!!! (Insert evil puppy laugh here) So will his food, his bed, his blanket..... And anything else that Jack once had!! Yep -she's a girl alright and she already has the motto " What's mine is mine .... And what's yours is mine"

My little pookie Jill is quite the fashionista, she can rock a tutu, and has her own furry pink doggie boots - thank you to Mama Pepper for those!! Told you I have become one of "those people" - pretty sure
that is the cause of the hubster's throbbing vein in his forehead!! OMG - isn't she cute!!! 

My little cuddle bug is also an avid shoe lover!! Yes just like me!!! You know I love me a good pair of shoes or two .....or a hundred  and twenty two....only her love of shoes evolves eating them!!! OMG!!! WHAT??? Okay okay she is just a baby we will nip that little problem in the bud....

My little angel face.....did eat a pair of my flip flops last week, ( that was okay they were on their last leg anyways so I guess I will just need to go grab a pair) and I have rescued my pink sneakers and cheetah slippers from her chompers....on more then one occasion..... So we can no longer leave shoes under the table in the living room ..... Parenting is all about making  sacrifices right? So we will now keep our shoes out of the babies reach....

My little peanut face, has not fully mastered that art of house training .....(Jack picked that up much quicker).......she has had several accidents 8even after being outside) she's had them in the hallway, in my lap, in the hubster's jeep (OMG - I thought the throbbing forehead vein would explode on that one).... But hubster has taken that in stride and now refers to her as Piddles, trying to at least help the situation with her accidents I got her some potty pads!!  Yesterdays email  subject line  was " Piddles like the potty pads" ...humm not really what I had in mind when I bought those!! 

My little ...bitch!!! Today's email subject was " Your little girl is in BIGGGG trouble" as I  open the attachment, my cell is now ringing.... I answer it and open the attachment at the same time and SCREAM!!!! Hubster is on the other end of the phone and says " guess you got the email" ....and he was laughing....pretty sure hysterically laughing - Guess who has the throbbing forehead vein now!!! OMG!! I had these particular shoes in a bag by the front door, because I was going to have them reheeled at the mall.....I blame hubster, since I originally had them on the hook hanging up in the bag...... He has some aversion to me having everything hanging on the hooks by the front door( thats what they are there for right?? ) and hubs had cleaned it off, put the bag on the floor....

So yep there is my logic it's the hubster's fault that the little bitch ate 2 pairs of my favorite shoes!!!
 

Jill and I clearly need to have a come to Jesus meeting with a special portion devoted to NOT EATING MY (anyones) SHOES!!! It's a good thing she's so friggen cute because  the state of my shoes ......not so much!! 

And Then We Had 2

It is safe to say that I have NOT come to my senses … and they should have committed me when they had the chance!! I  now am a puppy mama to a Baby Girl “Jill”!!  OMG - just look at that face!!Yep ~  we have “Jack and Jill” and now I’d like to quit my job and just be home with my cuddle bugs!! And fill my days of playing, cuddling taking them out and about and watch those wagging joyful tails….. Obviously that can’t happen ~ but maybe if I win the lotto I could do that (note to self ...buy a friggen lotto ticket) ! And I could open a puppy day care and have puppies, puppies everywhere!!!

 Humm… …the cats would be plotting my death for sure then!!! Not that they aren’t already doing it…just look at that face… This is Tweety Bird ..either he is plotting my death for

1.       His name (that’s what happens when your 5 year old names the pets)

2.       Bringing home Jack …. And now he just realized that we have yet another dog ....who is sitting in his spot........ (did you know cats could glare?? )

I am amazed at how many things are geared to the dog lover (or crazy ass people who love their pets ~ ok.. ok.. ok …I am fitting into that category –rather quickly) things like posh pet boutiques, custom made doggie t-shirts (Pretty sure I will need one of those made up), doggie day cares, doggie water parks ~ so I guess like a Wet and Wild for

Dogs??  I am sure the doggies are much cuter in their bikini’s then most people do (OMG yes- they have bikinis for dogs)!!! They also have snow shoes (I found pink furry boots), jogging suits ( in pink), evening gowns…WTF?? 


They have shuttles to pick them up from home…….. REALLY??? I can’t even get PC in a carpool for  his school ~ but you’re telling me I could get my dog a lift to the “Doggie Day Care” ??  Doggie salons, mobile salons, dog beaches, dog parks..…and doggie Prozac and even Pet Psychics  … … I mean hello..... Really?? I am thinking of a career change something in the world of doggies ... maybe  a "Doggie Whisper" (because I have had plenty of practice being a "Jackass Whisper" hahahaha) ...maybe I could be a doggie consulantant ...... the list goes on and on with all the things we have these days for our critters!!

Jack is quite smitten with his new baby sister Jill (after we had a chat that there was no humping on the sister ... I think we are clear now... Baby Sister ...Not Hot Young Girlfriend....) Thanks to the big doggie gods above that they are both fixed!!! Or I really would be the crazy puppy lady!!! The vet thinks she is a Border Collie Mix (just like Jack)- the adoption shelter had her listed as a Lab Mix  ...but who knows... and who cares... still wont be getten any DNA test done for either one!!!!  Gotta  get all my fur baby's off to bed - Jill has not learned Jack's magic  tricks of unlocking the crate ... she actually sleeps ALL NIGHT IN THE CRATE ...and Jack sleeps next to it with his paw on it!!! OMG- how cute is that!! Or he may just be tryen to figure out HOW to let her out!!!



 

2 Is Twice the Fun

Over a decade (well  Prince Charming is 12 ……going on 30 that is) I have been told “You should have 2 …it’s so much easier with 2….oh if only you had 2” “ If you had 2 they would do this……if you have 2 they would do that……..oh only if you had 2 “ Children that is! I should have had 2 children, because apparently it’s so much easier when you have 2! So I am now taking that in to consideration, after a decade of people drilling that little fact into my brain I am now thinking ….yes maybe I should have another! Maybe 2 would be easier after all would be best buds! And they would entertain each other, keep each other company and I think it should be a girl. I think my boy needs a baby sister! Oh yes, yes, yes  I am seeing PINK …PINK …PINK …


I have enough testosterone in the house with all the males that reside here ….…. let’s see we have the hubster, PC, Tweety & Rigby the cats, Buddy the Guinea Pig and of course my baby….” Jack” the dog! In the female category we have Me and Pee-Tree the cat (its a toss up on who should be wearing the crown that's for sure) …that makes it 6 males and 2 females?? Like I said way too much testosterone flowing in this household


So yes, I decided that a baby girl is what we need, I think my boy would love a baby sister to snuggle with, play with, wrestle with, sniff butts with ……..you know all those things that DOGS do with each other! WHAT?? You seriously weren’t thinking that I WOULD have another human child!!! What are you NUTS?? No No No don’t be ridiculous…my boy Jack would love to have a new baby sister …and we shall call her Jill! Then we can have Jack and Jill (who no doubt will be sporting a pink collar, pink leash, pink harass and of course a pink tutu would be needed …… all the things a little girl would need and well yes they would need to be …..PINK).