Now What?

I'm waiting for my big break in life, you know where that rainbow in the sky will shine down on me, the birds will chirp (far away from me because I actually hate birds. That whole flying thing they do ... really creeps me out) the squirrels will break out onto a song and dance and all will be right in the world. Because at some point its going to click with Prince Charming.......right? I mean come on - seriously- it has to?? Apparently I am still waiting for that big break ....... the vet tech program was not it. We lasted 6 whole days in class, yes as in 1,2,3,4,5, and 6 - where he never spoke to the teacher, maybe mumbled a few words here and there, but I doubt she even heard them.  I had high hopes that his love of animals would outweigh his anxiety, sadly it did not. And its okay, I'm trying to be patient and learn more about anxiety, and understand.  I think it sucks-ass royally, but I know its real. Once the teacher started moving them into groups, to work together, to develop presentations to present to the class it was all down hill from there. I guess its better to know now, before we ended up with a pet goat or something n my backyard!

So what's next ? Yep that's what I keep asking myself! I wish I had an answer for myself but oddly I am quiet! I'd like to think I am reflecting on things, but nope I'm not, I just keep having my own pity party in my head and repeating "WTF? WTF? WTF? "   I'm going to try to homeschool, and hope to hell I can teach him something other then "Pepper-isms"! I haven't yet figured out when we actually do this "homeschool" thing, since I have this J-O-B thing I go to.......but we'll figure it out!
 

Perfect Parent ....Epic Fail


Have you ever filled out a job application and lied? You know maybe fudged a tad on years or level of experience? Yes, that’s what I feel like I have done, I have lied on my application for parenting, being pregnant for 9 months, reading mounds of parenting books, life experience does NOT qualify you as a good parent, or even capable parent. 

 
You have all these set goals and expectations in your head and you know you’ll do great, then they hand you that bundle of joy and you’re like now what the hell do I do now? All that planning and reading, and observing what others do (that you secretly judge in your head and say you won’t do) …………yet there you are doing those same things you vowed never to do! I have no doubt I was a perfect parent…..right up until that moment they handed me that bundle of joy! If I ever secretly judge you ..... I'm sorry, I'm an asshole , and have no clue what I'm doing.....even now.
 
Fast forward 15 years and I’m still thinking WTF Every. Single. Day.

Maybe someone should come and fire me! I am clearly not qualified to do this parenting gig. Maybe I spent to much time with my head in the glitter, hangingout with the unicorns, but I'm back to square one. I'm back to running in a dark tunnel searching for the light and the way out. The Prince is back to not leaving the house, sleeping all day up all night, and back to school refusal , which BTW starts in 6 days!!! 
Hubster made a comment the other day and said "where did we go wrong"? That  question has replayed over and over in my head for years,....,what could I have done differently? What did I do wrong, but then I thought about it, let the words roll through my head and thought .....what if it wasn't something we did? What if it's just the way he is wired? Just because he doesn't fit into that profile of a " typical, normal, teenager" .....why does it mean he's wrong? Why does that have to be something that I did wrong? Why am I upset he just wants to stay home and read, or play games on his computer. When there are kids his age or younger, that are in trouble with the law, shooting each other and doing horrible things, and I'm worried because he .......he what? What's to be left alone so he can read? We worry he wont have a childhood or memories like we did back in the day, but then again we live in a different world today.








Over the last few years, I've waved my white flag, I've surrender over and over, and just tried to figure out WTF I am doing, what I'm going to do next, and how I am going to make it work. Well I'm doing it again. I'm waving the white flag, I've  enrolled him (yes again) in homeschool, signed him up for a vet tech program, and I'm just winging it at this point and I have no FRIGGEN idea if this will work or not, but I have to try. 
Who knows maybe this will be our next great adventure........... or maybe it will be the reason the Prince becomes that smell in the back yard or the reason I wear prison orange. But I have binged watched all 4 seasons of  "Orange is the new Black" so I got this - prison thing covered. I'm sure its just like TV. If anything it will give me a reason to write more often!


P.S. I have no idea why I am having formatting issues .or why I was locked out of my own blog . I mean really if you want to steal my identity ...........you take ALL that comes with it!!!! Yeah - that's what I thought -

 

 

 

 

 

Hoarders Buried by Pigs, Dust and Fur

How the hell is it May? No wonder I had someone call and check on me yesterday saying I had not posted an update in awhile....a very long while! I guess that saying is right on the money, the older you get (still only 29) the faster time goes!


Let's see ......the Prince continues to get out of the car at school (when he's not sick), still hates it, still thinks homeschooling is the answer, isn't making stellar grades, but according to my teacher conference last week, he will be passing 9th grade ....just like 8th grade, his test scores are too high to hold him back, and if you add up all his grades for the semesters they equal a passing grade......by the skin of his teeth. I guess I thought that at some point something would click ...he'd get it, it hasn't happened yet, but I am sure at some point in my life time it will ........ I mean he cant live at home forever can he? I don't have a basement for him to move in to!! I'm understanding more and more every day WHY animals eat their young (and mates too)!

We finally bought our house we've been in the past 5 years, and now the projects begin!! We have ripped out the tile floors, and carpet and are having new wood plank tile floors installed! They look awesome!!

Some things I have learned in this adventure ....... I have to much shit, everything is dusty, and again way to much shit! I feel like I could be trying out for the show "Hoarder's Buried Alive" except my episode  would feature  "Hoarders Buried by Pigs, Dust and Fur".

The 1st night of our Hoarders adventure I went to take the fur kids for a walk ...here's how that convo went .....
ME: "Hey where did you put the leashes last night?"
HUBS: " In the back room"

 So you see this pink arrow below ..... yeah that's where I found the leashes. On a side note I have managed to climb the clutter mountain to climb through the kitchen window  to grab a pair of scissors and I even witnessed the hubster do it to grab the bread!! Had I been able to find my phone I would have captured that moment in time for sure!!

You don't realize how much stuff you have until you pile it in one room - and that's not even the WHOLE House - just what we are tiling!!! So my living room, dining room, kitchen, hallway, foyer and hall closet are all crammed in my craft room, that room is next but hubster is gonna make a new-craft-tastic desk and bar! Cant wait til it's all done!! For now its a hot dusty mess!! The areas I am confined to I have been cleaning out and purging!! Not enough to make it look like I have done anything ...... so I better keep going! One good thing being confined to a space, is that I have made 2 diaper cakes, 8 teacher gifts, baby shower favors and I'm sure I could do more if I could find all my stuff !!

All Wrapped Up


EEEK! Can you believe that Christmas is in 8 days??? My craft-tastic desk has been disheveled for well over 2 months (ok ……..ok ….if you ask the hubster It’s been this way from the day he built it) and I think I have burned all my fingertips off in the process!! But I added 6 new holiday candy dishes this year with all the ideas swirling around in my head, it could have been more (but the hubs would probably have divorced me so I better not push my luck)!! Ha - it’s been fun! Pretty sure at some point the hubster will either change the locks or go on strike from being my master spray painter!! Maybe…………….just maybe he will re-instate my spray painting privileges……..but I am pretty sure that I have a better chance of pigs flying before that ever happens! I don’t know something about, getting spray paint on the car, garbage can, the house, the dog ….the ………..well everything other than what I am actually spraying!
 
As for the Prince, I am over the moon with the progress he has made!! These past few months have been amazing, in watching him grow and overcome some of his issues. I had my first teacher conference this week, it’s the same ol’ same ol’ on the comments from the teachers, he does GREAT work …..WHEN you can GET him to do it and turn it in! Yep…………..I’ve heard it all before! Over the past few months, he has traveled out of his comfort zone more and more, it makes me so proud.  

The Prince and I did some Black Friday Shopping, we left the house at 12:30am and retuned at 3:30am. We had a blast, went to a few stores, he may or may not have whacked an old  lady in the back of the head with a comforter set on accident, which usually would have derailed our day - but he just moved right past it, thankfully so did the lady!!!  The Prince wanted to make sure that anytime I am out at that hour, I needed to make sure he was with me……. For my own protection…..from all the hoodlums out at that hour. I assured him that this was not an everyday thing that stores were open all hours of the night and neither were all these people!

“S” his new friend, that’s just like him, has been a God send for us all!! They went to Orlando last month for the day to Mega Com, with good ol’ Uncle B, he is convinced they communicate telepathically!! And then the hubster had to travel over and pick them up that evening, he also confirmed it was the “quietest car ride ever”! So maybe that’s the reason the Prince had 2200 text messages last month, or at least 2197 of those were to her, the rest could have been to me and the hubster!

“S” has had tough times in her young life but she has overcome so many obstacles and she is an amazing young girl and a great friend to the Prince! So sweet, and caring and thinks that she is at that school just so she can help the Prince overcome some of his anxiety’s and issues! “S” even convinced him he needed to get a haircut ………. WTH?? Really?? Can she come over and tell you to also clean your room, do your homework and the other million things I ask him to do? Now don’t go all crazy thinking you could actually TELL he got a haircut ……but he did get a trim ……… a very small trim, but its baby steps!!

So this year as we are thinking about Christmas (did I mention it’s in 8 days) the Prince told us he wanted to get “S” a computer, that’s all she wants for Christmas and that’s what I want to get for her. Over and over again this has been his plea that this is what HE wants for Christmas, is to be able to get this for her. She has had tough times, and this is all she wanted and he told her that’s what he was getting her. WHAT??? I was flabbergasted that a 14 year old would even think to say something like this, much less promise someone this is what he was going to get her, but yep …. That’s my gem ….and that’s what he did!

We’ve had long talks about how things are, and how much money that would cost and why we couldn’t possibly do that. But the Prince was persistent and told us this would be HIS Christmas present, that we wouldn’t need to get him anything, not one single thing, this is what he wanted and it’s the only thing he wanted. We explained that “S” wouldn’t be able to get him a present like this is return, and he replied “ I already have a computer, I don’t want anything but to get her one of her own, she’s my friend and she deserves it”.

Taking a step back, looking at the big picture and seeing what a positive effect she has made in his progress, I would almost op to buy her a friggen brand new car …..if I had unlimited funds of course!!! So last weekend the most amazing thing happened, Mama Pepper called to say that Pop Pop Pepper wanted to take the Prince and go pick out a computer for him to give to “S” for her Christmas present! The Prince of course would have picked out a $10,000 top of the line laptop with all the bells and whistles, but he was very happy with the laptop that they picked out for her! He is over the moon to be able to do this, and I am so proud at how mature he is being! I mean really if you think stop and think about it …….I don’t know many grown ass adults that would give up getting a present  just so their friend could get something they really wanted.

So while the Prince is super excited and has his wrapping paper all picked out, from our Black Friday shopping trip ( I couldn’t figure out why he picked out wrapping paper with owls on it……….and then told me I wasn’t  allowed to wrap anything with it, that he needed it ……..….humm I know now that our little friend likes “owls” ) J It should be interesting to see how this gift giving goes, considering he bought her an anima hairclip in September for her birthday …………and the Prince still has it in his binder and now uses it for decoration!! Last week at the craft fair, he picked out an owl bookmark – (that’s when I put two and two together about the owl wrapping paper) but at the Christmas show last week he had it in his pocket, they sat and next to each other texting …… and I nudged him about the bookmark …..he just sat there ……….and I did what any mother would do …….whipped it outta his pocket with a big grin on my face handed it to “S” and said ….”Here you go honey, we saw this at the craft fair and thought of you”!!!

Did the Prince turn 42 shades of red and give me a wide eye roll …you bet our sweet- ass he did!! But that’s what moms do! And apparently from my conversations with the Prince I am “annoying”,  “ he can’t believe that we could be related” “ he just doesn’t have the energy to DEAL with my annoying-ness  in the mornings because he is to tired in the mornings” so I’d say ….I am right on track! Pretty sure my Mother of the Year Award is on it’s way! And for that matter so is my Wife of the Year Award as I sat through a Christmas Musical last night …….. (if you know me …you know I am not a fan of Christmas Music ….its okay for an 30 minutes …. Maybe  … on Christmas morning….) and tonight’s date night is the prescreening of Star Wars......

I look forward to the New Year and what new things it will bring both big and small milestones and new adventures for me, the Prince and the Hubster! Bring it on ~ We’ve got this 2016!

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shouting from the rooftops

Its October already??? How can that be?? I've been asked a lot "How is the Prince doing? You haven't written anything lately ...." (I'm just amazed people read my nonsense)  I should be shouting from the roof top .............but I'm afraid of heights! I am so happy and so proud to say that the Prince is still going strong and doing great! I think it helps that he may be sweet on a girl at school, according to him, "She is just like me! She has social anxiety, she likes anima, she loves animals and doesn't like people" - yep that's sounds just like him! He is excited to go to school because he has her in his 1st class and sits with her at lunch (in a classroom .....far, far, far away from people), he is excited at the end of the day when he gets in the car to tell the hubs how his day went.

Now with that all being said.........he is still an asshat in the mornings, because he is up half the night and still doesn't have his sleep in a normal pattern.......and I'm not sure he ever will. Thankfully he showers at night now- so its once less issue in the morning to deal with. He has earned his bedroom door back after losing it for nearly a year, now my arguing consists of "Why he is always shutting his door". So if that's my biggest concern right now,....I'm okay with that! But I will still nag him for that .... its my job....to be annoying and to nag .... pretty sure I had to sign a contract to be a mom!!

At the open house at school, all the teachers had great things to say (and most of them were not saying them because it was their job they seemed to truly mean it ). The common theme with the teachers were "WOW - he is so smart, the way he thinks and puts stuff together is amazing and he does awesome work ..... WHEN you can GET him TO do the work .....". Yep we all knew that was coming, when he likes a class, a teacher he does fantastic ....however when there is no interest ... well then their is no effort put into it. The Prince tested the highest in the entire school for SRI testing (language arts and reading comprehension) they told him the highest grade you can get on that test is 1330 .....he tested at 1325 .....which is basically an above average 12th grade level ............yet he has an "F" in language arts ......because he doesn't like the teacher or the class (which according to him is full of thugs) .... go figure???

For now I'm not stressing as much as I should be about grades, because its been along time coming that things have been calm, that he has been happy and my little world is at peace. I haven't had leaky eyes in weeks, I don't stress like I did when it was time to go to school, to come home from work, or to just breathe. I'm enjoying his sarcastic, funny, witty self more and more everyday At least we know he gets its honestly .......from his dad..........not me ....no ... not me ......sarcasm  comes from the hubster.  He'll get it, he's to smart not to get it, I hope that he pulls it together soon, I kinda made a promise that if he made straight "A"'s all year I'd buy him a super computer .....I'd give him a $5000 budget .....and if he graduates with straight "A"'s  I'd take him to Japan...his reply was "WOW dad, look mom is throwing money at me left and right" LOL . So far I'm not going to be getting him a super computer at the end of this year, but you never know - it could happen!

It's been along time since my mind has been clear enough for my creative spark to return. My wheels are turning and my glue sticks are rapidly depleting, my craft table is a hot mess as I am back crafting!!! I actually had someone at work say to me the other day "I'm so glad your son is doing well, its amazing to see the difference in you and your spark has finally returned"  and here I thought I had it all together at work .....for the most part that is. I know we still have along way to go, but everyday I feel like I am a bit closer to the end of the tunnel, and everyday the light seems a bit brighter.