Aliens vs Flying Pigs




I've been hiding out from "Howdy on Steroids" the last few days.....(really since I worked out on Thursday and wasn't able to walk for 3 days! ) I haven't been motivated since having my butt kicked very defeated by the used carsales man in Spandex! ughhhh I just need to get back on the saddle again or treadmill so to speak! But on the up side of things.......



I've looked outside but haven't seen any yet, but I am sure they are out there! Flying Pigs that is! Either that or Prince Charming has been abducted by aliens. Today he came home with 3 "A's" on his test, WOOOOOO WHOOOOO ! AND to top that he did his homework with NO whining! Sat down and had his homework done in under 30minutes! I don't see any neon green glow coming from his eyes so maybe he's not an alien, but I dunno! Of course there is a price of "Being Good" .....you got it! "Since I was so good, did my homework, didn't get written up in school, can I play the game" Gee I should know there is a price to be good! I gave in ..............I mean 3 "A's" that's impressive! My concern is the last few days is the teacher has been emailing me to test him for Gifted! She asked if I'd ever tested him for gifted.......ADD , ADHD YES Gifted NO! UGHHH I know , I know isn't that wonderful! NOT.........that mean's more homework! But who knows ..maybe he'll love doing homework and projects! Oh yes I am sure that is what will happen when the pigs fly ! Or maybe I'll be in luck and the aliens will have taken over completely! We'll have to see.......



"Howdy" On Steroids.....



While I was at the gym yesterday I had a brilliant thought and decided to sign up for my "FREE" personal training session at the gym! FREE is GOOD! So I enter and met "Justin" hunky trainer....not my tattoo covered "boyfriend" personal trainer from NC, but semi- hunky. Not really my cup of tea especially after the "torture session" I endured! I consider myself pretty fit, I go to the gym regularly and according to him....I'm not in very good shape ( hidden meaning will be revealed in a moment! ) . He wasn't making this any harder then he would for anyone of them....as he points to the 300 pound man huffing next to me on the treadmill....YEA my ass you aren't buddy! So I keep going knowing that by the time I am done I will be lucky to walk much less more my arms! We work out ...rather I workout as he pops his gum( something my mother DESPISES and now I know why) , checks himself out in the mirror, barks out give me 20 more squats....WTF is he thinking! I think I may see devil horns starting to appear! As a good little soldier I move on, following his commands as he keeps saying "I thought you work out? You must not push yourself. You are in need of a trainer full time!" really it's begining to sound like a brainwashing lecture more so then a training session! There goes my ego!
Finally the hour is up! Whooo WHO! So we go and sit at the table that he had me reveal my demons at ....what's your weight, height, what do you hate most about your body, how much do you want to lose, has me hold on to this little device that looks like a steering wheel an it tells me how much BODY FAT I have! Really like I can't just look in the mirror and see my muffin top over my jeans now I have to hold on to a steering wheel to tell me my body fat?
Fan-Tab-U- Lous another notch down on the ego!
So he jots down our "PLAN" the one he recommends is for 12 months training for 4 times a week.....for only $400.00 a MONTH! Seriously you think I need to train 4 times a week with your gum chewing , gum popping , mirror checken out ass! Oh but WAIT....if I can't do that due to time and all they have 3 times a week for 360.00 a month, 2 times a week for $300.00 yada yada yada! "So Pepper which plan works for you?" UMMMM NONE I'm jobless and your F^%$ING CRAZY! Which I mentally added no need to be nasty! The funny thing was now my hunky personal trainer had a cockeyed look of disbelief ( and is starting to look like a Howdy Dowdy on steroids) that I wasn't going to have an extra car payment in return I'd get a killer bum and abs? First born yeah....I may hand over Prince Charming ...but he'd be returned I am sure in a few hours! So I told "Howdy" that yeah I was here for the free session to get some new ideas .....and I'll think about training again when I am ...um gainfully employed! He still looked a tad annoyed so I stood and said Thanks and limped my way out to the car....remember squats...can hardly walk!


So home bound with my ego on a low...I came home and told the hubby that I know now HOW the gym that only charges 10.00 a month stays in business.......$400.00 a month for personal training! I whined to hubby about "how UNFIT I know was" I thought I was gonna die, how could someone who works out almost 5 times a week not be able to do that torture session......insert some more whining here......


As always the hubby had some in site to add since of course he thinks I'm perfect JUST the way I am...muffin top and all....(at least he better...he will now after reading this! ) He just looked at me and said" Personal Trainers are used Car Sales Men in SPANDEX! " Ahhhh now I feel better bring on the Oreos!

Mid-Stream Please....


Yes as I am on my way to the restroom with the little clear cup in hand from the doctor...he pokes his head in the hallway and says with a smile....."Don't forget.....Catch it in mid stream please!" Good lord, you men have it made, no prob-lemo there catching mid stream is a piece of cake, cause you all have the equipment to aim with! Us gals...not so much! Besides who invented peeing in a cup anyways......a man I am sure! I don't see why we can't just pee on a stick like we do with those pregnancy test .......a man thing I am sure! They wanna have something they can do better then we can do! BUT.....

I'm currently getting alotta practice with my so called aim....I am in a sleep study for none other then Isnomia! Yippie! Yep they are payen me to be there latest ginnie pig, taking their study meds, which I am actually sleeping quite nicely! As far as side effects , haven't noticed a third boob or extra toes so I must be okay! Actually one of the side effects is "Bigger Boobs" , so who knows maybe by Christmas I will be as big as Dolly herself! Merry Christmas Hubby!

As for everything I am still holding my current title as "Meanest Mom In The World" .......still no playstation although I hear him ask/whisper Dad EVERYDAY! "If I'm good can I have it back, I've been good today, can't you hook it up?Tell mom your hooking it up !"I guess he has learned not to ask me about it. The answer is "Over my dead body" and the way hubby looks I may very well be buried in the backyard by nightfall.....so if there are no more posting by the end of the week I am probably buried in the backyard under the elephant trees! So be sure to check there............

A new Title .......


I've been busy as a bee you know being the....and I quote "Meanest mom in the WORLD!" Can you image ME the meanest mom in the WORLD! Really who does Prince Charming have to compare me to? He lasted a whole 4 days with his video game back , until me the meanest mom in the world yet again took it away! But I guess that's what Mean Mom's do!

School has started yes, happy days are here again...until homework time then it's the battle of the wits....mine vs. his.......and I'm not sure who's gonna win that war! 3rd grade here we come! At least we only have homework Monday -Thursday so there will be no battle ground on the weekends.......at least not about homework! But I am sure this MMITW will fine something to be mean about...after all I can't have my new title taken away just yet! I work so hard to achieve that title!

The new question he is pondering is why the "brown dude" at the YMCA after school was upset with him........"I only said hey brown dude......cause I didn't know his name" His grandma asked well why don't you just ask him his name.....but I guess that's what he was gonna do but the "brown dude" got mad! And his little girlfriends who is biracial pipes in when grandma said well maybe you hurt his feelings and says..."But grandma he is a brown dude, why should he be mad". Gotta love the diversity of 3rd grade......it's be another adventure I am sure!