OMG - we have survived one whole week!! Can you believe it! We survived an entire week of school without Crazy Mama here being featured on the evening news!! Hallelujah - it must have been that small chapel fire that Mama Pepper started by lighting the candles in the chapel at the hospital!  Lets have a total recap here of week one.  
Day 1 - After several text to "Come Get Me, I want to come home, I want to do virtual school….yada yada yada," had all been ignored PC resorted to calling, calling,…..And calling after the 4th call, then the school called! OMG and this is day 1?? Are you kidding me?? So  I met the director in the office at school and became the hysterical mother, I so don’t want to be,  BUT COME ON!!! First friggen day??? Are you kidding- she was so super sweet and told me to bring him everyday - and we will try this everyday!!! Since he was in the lunch room and didn’t realize I was there at school, I left him there!! I didn’t get anymore calls until 2:46pm …...since school gets out at 2:45pm and obviously I was now LATE picking him up…… 
Ahhhhh yes, Day 1 ended with a few double tall mango margaritas……..for me...because OMG I so needed them!!!
Day 2 - This mama awoke with a ranging headache- was it the thought of facing yet another day of school or the thought of poking the bear to wake up and get ready for school?? I think so ….I am sure it had nothing to do with the double tall mango margaritas that I sucked down the night before....nothing at all.... 
So no calls and no text messages…… that could be that PC's phone was ...um not really charged … ..you know that charger somehow was not fully pushed in …(wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Well at the end of the day the hubster called to tell me he has picked up the wrong child…… this alien child got on the phone to let me know that "Apparently I like it" ….Likes what?? " Um,... School ...I like school".   
OMG- whoever this child is that you picked up ….Lets keep him!!!  
Day 3 - Hubster called me to say that PC has called and wasn’t feeling well…….WTH?? What?? Already it's only day 3?? I told hubster -don’t answer the phone ...and leave him at school, he will be fine! Yep, I put my foot down - we cant be picking him up on the 3rd day of school early!!! 
He went home at 1pm …… ughhhhhh killen me....... 
Day 4 - Ahhh yes, we are almost there 4 days down and 177 more to go.  Apparently, rolling down the window and yelling "BYE - have a great day" with a giant smile on your face, can be hazardous to your health ...and possibly can get you killed….with looks… LMAO-  yes, it was so worth it ...pretty sure his head almost spun around!!! HAHAHAHAHA - now that was fun!!  Day 4 was also good, with the exception that he'd like to "hit some girl in the face" ...ahhh if she is that annoying she must like him.........- because she was being a "B - word"  - Yep confirms it -  that means she likes you ….  
Day 5 - OMG - we made it a full week!!  176 more days left of school , only 35 weeks left this year!!! And I have discovered how you get your child out of the car and running into the school with utter excitement and joy! Ok - not really …...but I did get him to flee the car rather quickly by telling him I was going to jump out of the car and start taking "selfies' while belting out some tunes that were playing in the car!!!  
And the final conformation that this was a successful week  ....was a text from the Director saying "Happy Friday" with a picture of PC in class, participating and everything!!! Yep - I'd know the back of that head...and hair anywhere!! 
Hallelujah ~I cant wait to this again next week!!! Oh wait ... that must be the margaritas speaking!!!  After all it is Friday!!!

A Nightmare in the Making

The drumming of the fingernails on the table, clenched fist pounding against the thigh , the tear swelling eyes, the consist "Can we go" plea through clenched teeth and then the gush of tears as we head back to the car. Yep that is how "Meet the teacher went" on Friday. And have I mentioned that school actually starts on Monday?? Lets just say at home it didn't get any better, PC lost his door due to slamming it, lost computer privileges ...yet again. The anxiety and shear panic of starting school on Monday, has created complete and absolute chaos for our household (not that its always smooth sailing) , what do you do as a parent, when you have a child pleading, begging, sobbing, arguing with you to please let them do virtual school? The thing you said would be "Over my dead body", do you rethink that option? Do you drag that child to the school, and make him suck it up, because this is the way it is? I'd like to say "YES - that's what you do, because you are the parents" but in reality, I don't think I can make him go to school. How the hell would I get him up, dressed , ready , and in the car? Then get him out of the car, into the classroom and tell him to have a good day? Do I really want to subject the teachers to this torture - I mean he wouldn't even speak to them - not even a hello!!! WTF??  I am sure they are uber excited to have him in class this year! Do I drag the sheriff  here and say , can you make him go to school? Do you think he will come all 180 days of school? I doubt it, and I don't think that we as a family would survive the next 180 days of school  without one of the following happening.....
  1.  Me being in jail for attempted murder (or worse)
  2. Getting divorced
  3. Running away and assuming another identity (hey that option doesn't look so bad)
  4. Dropping child off at the fire station and running the other way
None of those options I think are in my favor, with the exception of # 3 & maybe 4 if done in a remote location and he didn't remember our address.

So now what?? I have no freaking idea!! Do I struggle daily with the "What did I do wrong? Why is he like this? WHY? WHY? WHY? Why is he an ass? Why cant he just be a happy, normal , functioning human being, like everyone else seems to be??? Why me? Why us? How does one child have so much control?  WHY???? WTF???  YEP - you bet your sweet ass I struggle with that internal battle every freaking day!! Some days it's easier then others, right now it's a friggen nightmare - as school starts in less than 24 hours!! We've spent $100 in school supplies ( BTW have already been delivered to the school) , not to mention the other $150 in uniforms.......(which BTW he wouldn't go shopping to try the friggen shorts on ....so I went and got 2 different sizes, came home, made him try them on LAST SUNDAY ....and went and bought the size he told me that fit ....took the other pair back ...oh and guess what?? Yep that's right ... when he put them on Friday ... they didn't fit, they aren't comfortable!!!WTF?? Are you kidding me??? Then he tells me I didn't buy the ones he tried on at the house!!!! OMG- shoot me now!!! ) So I say again now what??

We have told him he has to go to school tomorrow, that we are looking into virtual school - I've showed him the "Enrollment is closed notice on the website" and the email from the Virtual Director that it will open again on Aug. 25th and that they MUST be attending the school they are assigned" and of course he has to argue the fact that ....."If enrollment is closed WHY are they still showing commercials for the virtual school" OMG  I don't F-ing know - sooooo I shut the TV off ....then he had to watch me send an email back asking if there was anyway to get in before the 25th. He has also been told that IF he does virtual school he has to pick 2 outside extra activities that involve being around people!!! How can a 13 year old be so anti social??? SERIOUSLY???? WTH????

Parenting the worlds most difficult child has taught me one thing......NEVER, EVER say "Oh I will never do this or that"!  Because it comes back to bite you in the ass every friggen time...........they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?? Right about now I should be she-woman!

Lets all take a moment of silence and pray ......"Dear God, please don't let Pepper be featured on the 6'Oclock news" Amen....

Its Offical TSA Has My Picture .....

Is it the red hair and freckles? Is what what makes me look suspicious??? Clearly I must look suspicious, because I was frisked yet again in airport security!!! At least this time, they didn't have me remove any of my clothing, like my flight from Texas! No instead I was felt up by the female security guard, while the male stood there with his stupid grin as he nodded his head. But no one has felt up the guy I am getting my contact buzz from! Come up!!! He's a walking "pot" stack!! Stepping on the tram, the overwhelming smell of pot filled the car, ( not that's know what that smells like)  like a shake my head and say WHAT smell!! Obviously I thought it must be my imagination as I glanced around for the stoner, hummmm he looks like he could be the one. But I'm not judging after all it is 4:30am....we all are glossy eyed at this point!!!

As I plop down in my seat on the plane, there it is again..... That lingering odor ..... And oh ...look I am so shocked.... It's the man from the tram!!! Either he has on some strong, pot-smelling cologne .....or he smoked it up to calm his nerves before he had to fly, or maybe it's for medical purposes, or he's from a state that has legalized it .....what ever it is he did..... I am pretty sure the whole friggen plane now has a contact buzz!!!! Ummmm, excuse me ......can I get my bag of peanuts now? I'm getting the munchies......

So just some random thought here ......while I am crammed like sardines in the giant metal tube .... 20,000 feet in the air.....and just came outta the restroom....
  1. Have you ever wondered about the mile high club??? Seriously??? How would you go about getting busy in the bathroom??? I mean hello.... There's not enough room to squat to pee let alone have another person in there with you!!!! Maybe if you were a midget ( no offense - after all I am only 5'2 and a 1/2 on a good day )! I guess I won't ever have to worry about that  hubster hates to fly and fitting his 6' 3 self in there with me ..... Yeah we'd have better luck nailing jello to a wall then that ever happening!!!
  2. Do you think the flight attendant ever says " hey dumbass - yeah you ..... the one not paying attention to my safety demonstration..... If this sucker crashes your SOL because I'm not helping you"!!
  3. Have you ever noticed that on a plane, that sneezes, make people jump, maybe we (yep me included) think that somehow that sneeze that echoes through the cabin will cause the air pressure in this metal tin can explode? Or that everyone has their nose in their phone, like they are afraid to make eye contact? Like OMG - if I look at her, she might start talking to me ....well yeah ....isn't that what people still do??? Apparently not at 5am.....
  4. Why do people in the aisle seat lean and look down towards the front of the plane? It's not like the pilot has his door open , so we can see out the front window.....but yet here we all are ( yep me included) leaning as he is landing the plane...like somehow we are helping the process.

So I wrote this on my trip up to Cincinnati - but didn't have a way to upload it. So you know what that means?? YEPPER - you get to read  my adventures on the return trip to......All 3 people that actually read this randomness that I spew!