Just let it go .....

I realize that opinions are like assholes....everyone's got one,which would be why I never post or write about religion or politics, it's just not my thing. And I'm usually busy ranting and raving about Prince Charming ~ But today, I just have something to say......and not everyone will agree, which is okay, that's your choice and that's what this is about .....being able to choose.

 Until recently I never really gave it much thought, call me selfish or oblivious  if you will, but I never really thought about same sex marriages. I have a lot of gay friends who have fabulous partners, but I never focused on the whole "marriage thing" and NO it's not because I am against it, I guess I never stopped to think about it not being "legal or accepted" by others. Or maybe it's because  I see my gay friends as that ... My friends, I don't refer to people as my gay friend, single friend, living in sin friend, married, divorced 3 times, black, yellow or purple friend. I'm not sure why it should matter to anyone, who you wish to lay your head next to at the end of the night, as long as your cherished and loved. I mean people get married all the time right? Every time you turn around someone is getting married, divorced, remarried, over and over again. You can get a mail order bride, you can get married on Reality TV show without ever meeting! Really? And That's okay with you? I don't see people protesting on the court house steps for that! But letting 2 people that are the same sex get marry, who want to get married is not okay??? Are you serious? Why not? It's just something I don't understand! We don't choose who we fall in love with ....why do voters get to choose if gay couples can marry? In this day and age its not only sad, it's just ridiculous!
In January, Florida finally got their shit together an legalized same sex marriages (who knows maybe pot is next). I was honored when a lifelong family friend asked if I could officiate his wedding  to his partner of 13 years. I was also freaked out because I am a total virgin and had never performed a wedding .....much less a gay wedding! OMG - What will I say? What do I pronounce them?  What will I wear? I mean really you would have thought it was all about me, and that I was going to be the blushing bride, the way my brian kept firing off questions in my head!!! I was so nervous..... did I ever mention I hate public speaking? That I took Speech class so many times , I lost count until I finally passed it only because the class had like 5 people in it!!! I know hard to believe that I am could ever be speechless.

The big day was rapidly approaching, and I was more nervous by each and every passing day!! I made the girls at work sit at lunch time as I read the script to practice, I  had my captive audience at home "Jack and Jill" the pups who I read it to at night (okay ...maybe I had a cookie in hand), along with the hubster ( who could have probably recited it for me) I made Mama Pepper come to the rehearsal dinner to help calm my nerves ( because as the gem will tell you ......she talks to everyone)! We were welcomed by their amazing family and friends and that's when I knew I could this - for them!

The day of the wedding the grooms were beaming that their special day that they had waited for 13 years to have was finally here! They did an amazing job with the help of their family and friends,  I can honestly say that this was one of the most beautiful weddings ( besides my own...but of course) that I have even been to, it also was one of the most REAL weddings that I have even been witness to. From the gorgeous outside venue, the elegant flowers, decorations, pouring of the unity sand,  exchanging of rings , and the vows they wrote about their struggles they face head on together and how their love gets them through it, everything came from the heart. I stood with my knees knocking and butterfly in my belly, in front of all their family and friends and witnessed what real, raw, unconditional love is. As tears flowed down their faces, and the faces of all those who came in love and support for them, I finished the ceremony and proudly pronounced them Husband and Husband ( and thankfully my voice didn't even crack)!
We all have daily battles and struggles we fight, I know I do......but can you for a second imagine NOT being able to marry the one you love, not because they didn't love you back, but because some dumb law declared that marriage was only between a man and a woman? Or because someone else's religious views says it wrong. Can you imagine loving someone that you've spent a lifetime with, only to have something happen to them and because your not considered married - you don't have  rights or a say in their care, or well being? Why with all the evil things that already happens daily in this world today like riots, bombings, rape, murder etc. why can't we just let Love be Love?
At the end of the day does it really matter what sex you are and what sex you choose to love? In the end we all strive for the same thing, someone who will make us complete and who will love us during the good, the bad and the ugly.  It doesn't seem fair that there are a few states that are still trying to fight same sex marriage. Is there really nothing better for people to do then protest who can marry who? How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you could not marry your love because you were a man and she was a woman? Just let Love be Love and let the world be a better place!

My Square Peg

The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting things to change. That's what we have been doing ...... and it doesn't work.

I have a friend who encourages me to always write it down ...my story's, my tales, my quirky thoughts and opinions, she believes I could be the next Erma Bombeck, a writer from the 60's who wrote columns and books chronicling the ordinary life of a  suburban housewife using her humor to tell her tales! Now that right there would so be my dream job- right up there with sitting in my yoga pants, armed with my glue gun and crafting while sipping margaritas and petting the pups! Or professional shoe shopper .....

I have haven't been writing it down lately, because when you write it down it becomes real, and like that famous quote from "A Few Good Men" ..." You want the Truth? You cant handle the truth" - yep that's me, I cant handle the truth, the truth is I have been trying to jam a square peg in a round hole for years. I have dug my heels in so deep and fought tooth and nail, that this is the way things are ... because that's the way things need to be, because that's the normal thing to do. So what happens when that square peg just won't fit, no matter which way you turn it, no matter how bad you want it to glide right in to that round hole........ that shit just doesn't fit!
The past few months have been a real challenge with our Prince Charming, he has been struggling for so long with being uncomfortable in his own skin, having such anxiety being at school that he would just sit in the front office and not go to class, and he just shut down. It was like watching a volcano erupt and sadly we didn't know what to do but sit there and watch and wonder what we should do and how we could fix it. I've cried morning, noon and night over what did I do so wrong? What do I do to fix it and make him happy??
 I have an amazing support group of family and friends some who totally understand those struggles as they live them to some degree and some who just lead an ear to listen and offer their love and support. I have a friend who gives me a hug and says "Oh Pep...Oh Pep" when she sees that I am having that kind of day that makes it tough to breathe (which has been a lot lately) The comfort I get  in those 4 little words is overwhelming,(even thou I am at boob height to her which can be awkward - Ha ) because she sounds just like my Aunt Doll, who we all miss so much! She would use that phase so often when I was telling her of our adventures as she would laugh and shake her head.

So all those times I said ..."Over my dead body, When hell freezes over" and "Absolutely Not" have come to an abrupt halt. Here I am waving my white flag and surrendering -  hell must be frosty because I ended up withdrawing PC from school and enrolling him into the Home School program (God help us) , which in 10 days after we get the approval will be Virtual Homeschool.
  • Do I think that this will solve all the problems and issues we have with the gem? Nope - but I am trusting that my mothering instinct told me to do this for a reason
  • Do I think that it will be easy? Hell No - I am scared to death at what this will be like
  • Do I think this is the best option for my square peg in this round world? Well it damn sure is worth a  try - what do I have to lose
Did I wake up this morning and take a deep breath and say WTF have I done? You bet your sweet ass I did.  BUT I also noticed a difference in Prince Charming's attitude, like the weight of the world had been lifted. He even had the hair out of face which is a miracle all on its own, I could actually see those big beautiful brown eyes with those long gorgeous eye lashes and best of all he had a smile in his face - those are things we haven't seen in a while.
Do I think that this was the miracle I have been praying for?  No - I know we will have our ups and downs like we always do. 

 But for today ~ I think I will just raise my hands up in the air and enjoy the ride!