Visit to the PoPo

November has been nothing short of a whirlwind of emotions! Parties for the bossman who is now officially retired, which I still thinks sucks, but I guess after you put in 33 years..... you deserve to relax. Still sucks! And after all that celebrating ......somehow my 29+10+1 birthday sneaked up on me!!! Math is so over next year I am back to being just 29....forget all those extra numbers!!! I guess it wasnt so bad ......I had a pink, pig, pricess party at work ....and then a pink, princess party at home! It was a pink wonderland ~ so maybe ....just maybe... I will do it again next year!!! Ha - still only going to be 29 thou!!!

The Prince .....well what can I say.....he is the same, still hasn't written his novel  ............nor anything else! Hell - I could fill up 3 friggen novels just from the past several weeks!!! PC ended up with lice -  ( i know , I know...start scratching your head now - makes me itchy just thinking about it) which as you can image with his many "issues" tripled the normal effect of "OMG- lice" to about 100 times worse then you can ever even begin to image........ this happened a week before Thanksgiving Break - then  his pop pop came over with some trusty scissors and did some fancy Edward Scissorhands on him .........and well he HATES his haircut and  is never going back to school (or anywhere else)  ...until it grows back!! Really he hates it because you can actually see he has a face underneath all that hair!!! Oh joy...... now I get to see the perpetual scowl on his face clear now ~ before I was just guessing what he looked like!!

Thanksgiving was a disaster - 10 minutes before we were to leave to go to dinner ...PC had a complete meltdown ...and wouldn't go .....WTF??? Needless to say ..............none of us went - I dropped off what I was assigned to bring to dinner - no sense ruining everyone holiday ...and then I came home and had a bag of Apple Chips............nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" than a bag of yummy Apple Chips right? Oh well....its got to be better for my waist line (which is rapidly growing) then a turkey dinner with all the trimmings right?

So here we are ... school starts back up again tomorrow ...and with the mere mention of those horrible words ............. "School Tomorrow" and we have had another meltdown!!! FTLOG ~ when will this ever end??!!! The hubster called me to pick up the Prince who was supposed to be helping renovate a house they are working on  .............but hubster  muttered those magic words ......"School" and  it caused a major malfunction ..... So off  I went to pick him up and lets just say ............I wont be winning any "Mother of the Year" awards today......... ( not like I am up for nomination or anything). We have tried to explain that if he doesn't go to school...then either "WE" will end up in jail for NOT sending him ...or he will end up there for NOT going! It doesn't seem to phase him that "we" could go to jail"(I'm sure he thinks that would be great - he could get on the computer anytime he wants and have pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner)  so as I was in the car driving ..with the Prince in the back seat not speaking to me .......I started thinking ...well would it phase him to think HE would be going to jail instead?? The things that make you hummm...

It wasn't until we were all the way downtown almost to the Police Station (yes , I seriously drove there) that the Prince spoke ..."Where are we going?" I choose to take a play out of his own playbook and not answer and he asked again only louder ... finally as we rounded the corner and there it was The Police Station - I looked up and in the mirror (and very calmly I might add) I  said "Well I am skipping this step for tomorrow......I am bringing you to the police they don't have to come to the house and arrest you for refusing to go to school tomorrow morning" (I mean really .....after all...... what would the neighbors say if the cops showed up?) 

Did it affect him? I won't really know until tomorrow morning comes .when its time to poke the bear and get him up and ready ......... but he looked up at the looming station and said "No, please, just take me home, I am going to school tomorrow, I am, Please just go home"! I know ... I know... just breathe.... this too shall pass........ he will out grow it.....and blah, blah, blah .....

19,994 more words to go ......

Don't they say we write our own chapter in life? Ha - I beg to differ I would be writing about unicorns, glitter and puppies dog tails ..... And not this horror story of the teenage years (in my case ...its been much longer then teen years)!!!! I'd like to say it's the age, that these teenagers suck the life right outta ya.....but I think it might just be my bundle of joy!!

Clearly I didn't get this parenting job right - maybe they should have asked for references before they handed me that blue bundle of joy  - before they said " here take him home - he's yours to keep and to screw up" and I am pretty a sure he is to old to drop off at the fire station ~ and he knows his way home!!

I had my first teacher conference the other day ...... nothing like sitting in a room of teachers, who are looking at you for  answers on how to make your child respond, listen to them...and get his work done..... Um hello..... That's why I am here!!! I am the one seeking advice - so nope .....I got nada for you!!!! After surviving the 1st week of school ,the battle became daily over homework, which the Prince rarely does any, when he decides to do it, he does it half ass - and forgets to turn it in, or the hubs sits and gets it done ( he is way more patient then I am for that)!!! OMG how I hate homework!!! And I have openly admitted to the teachers, I have no idea how to do some of it ( like the math) without sitting down and learning Algebra all over again......Seriously.....When have I ever used it????NEVER that's when!!! Obviously I am not smarter then an 8th grader!!!

 I voiced my concern that he "we"  would have to repeat 8th grade again because he isn't doing his work or making the grades...and I quote from the principal ......" Oh there's no danger there, his assessment scores are way to high, even if he never did another ounce of work the rest of the year, he would be promoted". WTH??? I blurted out " Well don't tell him that"!!!! So here I am contemplating that statement .....should I just stop fretting all together over homework and let him figure this out all on his own??? Stop letting homework issues become ground zero at our house??? It would certainly make evenings more pleasant at our house, if we were not in a constant battle over it!
Ughhhh what a tangle web we weave as parents!!! Why isn't there a handbook for these difficult creatures!! I know .... I know.... There are a. million books out there .... But I need one that is specific to my Prince Charming....and let me tell you...there isn't one!!!! And obviously I would be writing the "What NOT To Do " version of it!

Oh and talk about writing ....apparently PC is suppose to be writing a novel, yep writing a novel, for this class project .... They have been "supposed" to be working on it all week at school ...(he has been THINKING ....and NOT writing)  want to know how many words he needs to have by tomorrow (according to him) 20,000 many does he have .....6 ....(and they aren't really the words for his novel but names and location) ...... hummm if my math is correct on this one he needs 19,994 more words!!! OMG ~ guess what he's doing ....."He's THINKING" .....THINKING of what to write!!! WTH??? Stop thinking and start writing!!! (Insert screaming mother here) ...............


OMG - we have survived one whole week!! Can you believe it! We survived an entire week of school without Crazy Mama here being featured on the evening news!! Hallelujah - it must have been that small chapel fire that Mama Pepper started by lighting the candles in the chapel at the hospital!  Lets have a total recap here of week one.  
Day 1 - After several text to "Come Get Me, I want to come home, I want to do virtual school….yada yada yada," had all been ignored PC resorted to calling, calling,…..And calling after the 4th call, then the school called! OMG and this is day 1?? Are you kidding me?? So  I met the director in the office at school and became the hysterical mother, I so don’t want to be,  BUT COME ON!!! First friggen day??? Are you kidding- she was so super sweet and told me to bring him everyday - and we will try this everyday!!! Since he was in the lunch room and didn’t realize I was there at school, I left him there!! I didn’t get anymore calls until 2:46pm …...since school gets out at 2:45pm and obviously I was now LATE picking him up…… 
Ahhhhh yes, Day 1 ended with a few double tall mango margaritas……..for me...because OMG I so needed them!!!
Day 2 - This mama awoke with a ranging headache- was it the thought of facing yet another day of school or the thought of poking the bear to wake up and get ready for school?? I think so ….I am sure it had nothing to do with the double tall mango margaritas that I sucked down the night before....nothing at all.... 
So no calls and no text messages…… that could be that PC's phone was not really charged … know that charger somehow was not fully pushed in …(wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Well at the end of the day the hubster called to tell me he has picked up the wrong child…… this alien child got on the phone to let me know that "Apparently I like it" ….Likes what?? " Um,... School ...I like school".   
OMG- whoever this child is that you picked up ….Lets keep him!!!  
Day 3 - Hubster called me to say that PC has called and wasn’t feeling well…….WTH?? What?? Already it's only day 3?? I told hubster -don’t answer the phone ...and leave him at school, he will be fine! Yep, I put my foot down - we cant be picking him up on the 3rd day of school early!!! 
He went home at 1pm …… ughhhhhh killen me....... 
Day 4 - Ahhh yes, we are almost there 4 days down and 177 more to go.  Apparently, rolling down the window and yelling "BYE - have a great day" with a giant smile on your face, can be hazardous to your health ...and possibly can get you killed….with looks… LMAO-  yes, it was so worth it ...pretty sure his head almost spun around!!! HAHAHAHAHA - now that was fun!!  Day 4 was also good, with the exception that he'd like to "hit some girl in the face" ...ahhh if she is that annoying she must like him.........- because she was being a "B - word"  - Yep confirms it -  that means she likes you ….  
Day 5 - OMG - we made it a full week!!  176 more days left of school , only 35 weeks left this year!!! And I have discovered how you get your child out of the car and running into the school with utter excitement and joy! Ok - not really …...but I did get him to flee the car rather quickly by telling him I was going to jump out of the car and start taking "selfies' while belting out some tunes that were playing in the car!!!  
And the final conformation that this was a successful week  ....was a text from the Director saying "Happy Friday" with a picture of PC in class, participating and everything!!! Yep - I'd know the back of that head...and hair anywhere!! 
Hallelujah ~I cant wait to this again next week!!! Oh wait ... that must be the margaritas speaking!!!  After all it is Friday!!!

A Nightmare in the Making

The drumming of the fingernails on the table, clenched fist pounding against the thigh , the tear swelling eyes, the consist "Can we go" plea through clenched teeth and then the gush of tears as we head back to the car. Yep that is how "Meet the teacher went" on Friday. And have I mentioned that school actually starts on Monday?? Lets just say at home it didn't get any better, PC lost his door due to slamming it, lost computer privileges ...yet again. The anxiety and shear panic of starting school on Monday, has created complete and absolute chaos for our household (not that its always smooth sailing) , what do you do as a parent, when you have a child pleading, begging, sobbing, arguing with you to please let them do virtual school? The thing you said would be "Over my dead body", do you rethink that option? Do you drag that child to the school, and make him suck it up, because this is the way it is? I'd like to say "YES - that's what you do, because you are the parents" but in reality, I don't think I can make him go to school. How the hell would I get him up, dressed , ready , and in the car? Then get him out of the car, into the classroom and tell him to have a good day? Do I really want to subject the teachers to this torture - I mean he wouldn't even speak to them - not even a hello!!! WTF??  I am sure they are uber excited to have him in class this year! Do I drag the sheriff  here and say , can you make him go to school? Do you think he will come all 180 days of school? I doubt it, and I don't think that we as a family would survive the next 180 days of school  without one of the following happening.....
  1.  Me being in jail for attempted murder (or worse)
  2. Getting divorced
  3. Running away and assuming another identity (hey that option doesn't look so bad)
  4. Dropping child off at the fire station and running the other way
None of those options I think are in my favor, with the exception of # 3 & maybe 4 if done in a remote location and he didn't remember our address.

So now what?? I have no freaking idea!! Do I struggle daily with the "What did I do wrong? Why is he like this? WHY? WHY? WHY? Why is he an ass? Why cant he just be a happy, normal , functioning human being, like everyone else seems to be??? Why me? Why us? How does one child have so much control?  WHY???? WTF???  YEP - you bet your sweet ass I struggle with that internal battle every freaking day!! Some days it's easier then others, right now it's a friggen nightmare - as school starts in less than 24 hours!! We've spent $100 in school supplies ( BTW have already been delivered to the school) , not to mention the other $150 in uniforms.......(which BTW he wouldn't go shopping to try the friggen shorts on I went and got 2 different sizes, came home, made him try them on LAST SUNDAY ....and went and bought the size he told me that fit ....took the other pair back ...oh and guess what?? Yep that's right ... when he put them on Friday ... they didn't fit, they aren't comfortable!!!WTF?? Are you kidding me??? Then he tells me I didn't buy the ones he tried on at the house!!!! OMG- shoot me now!!! ) So I say again now what??

We have told him he has to go to school tomorrow, that we are looking into virtual school - I've showed him the "Enrollment is closed notice on the website" and the email from the Virtual Director that it will open again on Aug. 25th and that they MUST be attending the school they are assigned" and of course he has to argue the fact that ....."If enrollment is closed WHY are they still showing commercials for the virtual school" OMG  I don't F-ing know - sooooo I shut the TV off ....then he had to watch me send an email back asking if there was anyway to get in before the 25th. He has also been told that IF he does virtual school he has to pick 2 outside extra activities that involve being around people!!! How can a 13 year old be so anti social??? SERIOUSLY???? WTH????

Parenting the worlds most difficult child has taught me one thing......NEVER, EVER say "Oh I will never do this or that"!  Because it comes back to bite you in the ass every friggen time...........they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?? Right about now I should be she-woman!

Lets all take a moment of silence and pray ......"Dear God, please don't let Pepper be featured on the 6'Oclock news" Amen....

Its Offical TSA Has My Picture .....

Is it the red hair and freckles? Is what what makes me look suspicious??? Clearly I must look suspicious, because I was frisked yet again in airport security!!! At least this time, they didn't have me remove any of my clothing, like my flight from Texas! No instead I was felt up by the female security guard, while the male stood there with his stupid grin as he nodded his head. But no one has felt up the guy I am getting my contact buzz from! Come up!!! He's a walking "pot" stack!! Stepping on the tram, the overwhelming smell of pot filled the car, ( not that's know what that smells like)  like a shake my head and say WHAT smell!! Obviously I thought it must be my imagination as I glanced around for the stoner, hummmm he looks like he could be the one. But I'm not judging after all it is 4:30am....we all are glossy eyed at this point!!!

As I plop down in my seat on the plane, there it is again..... That lingering odor ..... And oh ...look I am so shocked.... It's the man from the tram!!! Either he has on some strong, pot-smelling cologne .....or he smoked it up to calm his nerves before he had to fly, or maybe it's for medical purposes, or he's from a state that has legalized it .....what ever it is he did..... I am pretty sure the whole friggen plane now has a contact buzz!!!! Ummmm, excuse me ......can I get my bag of peanuts now? I'm getting the munchies......

So just some random thought here ......while I am crammed like sardines in the giant metal tube .... 20,000 feet in the air.....and just came outta the restroom....
  1. Have you ever wondered about the mile high club??? Seriously??? How would you go about getting busy in the bathroom??? I mean hello.... There's not enough room to squat to pee let alone have another person in there with you!!!! Maybe if you were a midget ( no offense - after all I am only 5'2 and a 1/2 on a good day )! I guess I won't ever have to worry about that  hubster hates to fly and fitting his 6' 3 self in there with me ..... Yeah we'd have better luck nailing jello to a wall then that ever happening!!!
  2. Do you think the flight attendant ever says " hey dumbass - yeah you ..... the one not paying attention to my safety demonstration..... If this sucker crashes your SOL because I'm not helping you"!!
  3. Have you ever noticed that on a plane, that sneezes, make people jump, maybe we (yep me included) think that somehow that sneeze that echoes through the cabin will cause the air pressure in this metal tin can explode? Or that everyone has their nose in their phone, like they are afraid to make eye contact? Like OMG - if I look at her, she might start talking to me ....well yeah ....isn't that what people still do??? Apparently not at 5am.....
  4. Why do people in the aisle seat lean and look down towards the front of the plane? It's not like the pilot has his door open , so we can see out the front window.....but yet here we all are ( yep me included) leaning as he is landing the somehow we are helping the process.

So I wrote this on my trip up to Cincinnati - but didn't have a way to upload it. So you know what that means?? YEPPER - you get to read  my adventures on the return trip to......All 3 people that actually read this randomness that I spew!

Its a Dog Thang ........

Roxie and Bubba Lou
As my fur baby Jack approaches his first birthday, it makes me think back and reminisce about Bubba Lou and Roxie, my first fur babies that I had before the hubster and I had started dating. I do have them to thank for bringing us together thou!

Along, long, long time ago when I had moved out of Mama Pepper’s house into my own, my dad got me a puppy!! Isn’t that what every new home owner needs?? A puppy to pee on the freshly laid carpet, chew on the freshly painted walls, why yes of course!! Roxie was a 3 month old Rottweiler, looking ever so fashionable in her diamond stud hot pink collar (pink ...shocking I know)!! About a month after I had Roxie another pup showed up at the house, a skinny, starving pup that would come and play with Roxie, cuddle with me and follow us around the neighborhood, never leaving my side. He would knock on the door with his paw, like a little kid to announce he was here and ready to play, and he never left! So then there were two, and we (me and Roxie) name him “Bubba Lou”. It was obvious that he had not only been starved, but beaten, because a slight raise in your voice he would flip over and shake and pee all over!!! Yes just what every new homeowner needs is not one but two puppies, and one that pees when he gets scared!!

I learned quickly that having puppies …….was a big and expensive job! And that having 2 puppies meant I had an even a bigger and more expensive mess!! I was a college student, working at the local sports bar on the weekends and a mom of 2 growing pups…… who created mischief and mayhem on a daily basis!! Coming home to the house newly decorated in pillow stuffing, toilet paper, shoes and anything else they could manage to find!!

I came home to red lipstick that had been chewed up on my light gray carpet!! OH MY GOD I screamed as I walked in the door ….and well there went Bubba Lou…… so now I had not only red stained carpet but it was now soaked in pee……. calling the carpet cleaners, and spending my tip money for that night I now had nice clean carpets again. Well until the next night when I came home from work to discover that they had eaten the ink cartridge outta my printer all over the nice clean carpets …………OH MY GOD ………here we go again!! After the carpet guys left yet again I decided I needed to do something …….so I found a doggie sitter while I worked!!

I had a really sweet neighbor that lived outback, she had a little girl and lived with a man that I grew up with his kids, and he helped her out. She loved the dogs and was wonderful with them, would take them out on walks, bring them treats, and then...a few moths into this arrangement  I started noticing she was borrowing my clothes …like I’d come home and notice her outside and think hummm that looks like my shirt, dress, purse etc. !! The straw that broke the camel’s back was coming home to her sitting at my makeup table, doing her makeup, curling her hair and wearing my clothes …….I stood at my bedroom door in pure shock as she spun around and said “oh I hope you don’t mind, I had nothing to wear and Howard is picking me up to go shopping” My mouth hit the floor as I said “Howard …as in Howard dad??” WTF?? Yea…”Howard” and I had to have a chat …there is a golden rule all fathers should know……… you don’t date someone YOUNGER than your own kids!!!! After that awkward encounter , I took my key back from the psycho dog sitter, along with my clothes and I needed a new plan!!

One night the dynamic duo jumped out of my picture window!! They didn’t mean to do it , they were obviously excited about whatever was lurking outside and jumped up against the window, how would they realize that they were now both over 100 pounds and the window would come crashing down??

Oh yes, the joys of having 2 pups!! Stocking the (pre) hubster, whose brother happen to also work with me at the Sports Bar, I called in a panic that he needed to come fix my window – the dogs jumped out of it!!! He did construction there (and other places) at the time, and so lucky for me here was there!! He came over with that sexy tool belt, some plywood and patch it up!! Then the next day returned to put in the window!! I think he is convinced that I pushed the window out …….just so he’d show up to be my night and shining amour!! He then came back and put up a fence for me, to help contain my wild beasts!! I remember sitting there on the back steps with (pre) hubster, trying to pay him for putting the fence up and he wouldn’t take it ….I replied with “You better take it now, because when I marry you, I won’t pay you to do things around the house!”, then I asked him to be my date to a wedding and the rest is history- we’ve been together ever since! Poor guy , if he only knew his fate ......back in 1997, he may have taken that sexy tool belt and ran the other way!

He continued to be my night and shining amour coming to the aid of my distress signals, bringing pliers in the middle of the night to retrieve what was left of the rat’s head from the vent, as it tried to escape the hunt of the pups and …..well lost!!! that was gross!! You know your man is a keeper when he gets outta bed, drives all the way over to crazy dog -lady's house with that sexy tool belt and removes the rat head and body from a vent!

Pre- hubster should have known he was doomed, when I introduced myself to his parents at the bar before we even started dating as “Hi, I’m Pepper – I’ll be your server tonight and your daughter in law someday when I marry your son”! His mother replied with a big grin and just said “I hope you do”.

See…….what I mean Bubba Lou and Roxie helped bring us together!! We had many, many adventures with the kids, and even more when PC was born as they lived to the ripe old age of 15! Which is amazing when you think about it for big dogs! Once the hubster and I moved in together they became “outside dogs” since they were huge lap dogs (120+ and 140+ lbs) ….. and we lived in a tiny house! I cried the first few nights, and thought it was so mean of him to make them be outside, but then I realized that they loved it, and hey the house was a hell of a lot cleaner!!

Bubba Lou, even after being by my side for 15 years never got over the whole flipping and peeing thing when he was scared, but he did get over being starved as he rounded out at a plump 140 + pounds!! PC was 6 when Roxie passed in her sleep and Bubba Lou followed about 4 months later with a broken heart, which is what I was then left with.

Bubba Lou Me and Roxie 2000  
I never imaged finding myself with another “set” of dogs that I could adore (even with all the mayhem they would cause)  as much as I did Bubba Lou and Roxie, but I have to say that after being dog-less for 7 years, I have once again found that unconditional love and joy you get from a dog, that wag of a tail, just because you came around the corner, and that happy to see you grin with my Jack and Jill! Who knows maybe it's  Bubba and Roxie back home  again in smaller bodies this they can be inside and be once again spoiled dogs!!

Jack , Me and Jill 2014
Really the only people that will understand this……. are that of a true dog lover! All others may just think I am that crazy dog lady ….which ….yea there’s that to!!  Now if you'll excuse me............ I have a wet Jack to go dry off!!

Happy 1st Birthday my fur baby Jack! May you have many butts to sniff and bones to chew!

Why Change Things...

I am not one that embraces change, I mean really if its going well why change it? If it ain't broke.....don't fix it?? I suppose it is good that things change or I would still be reaching for the RAVE hairspray and blow dryer in the morning and have really big Texan hair ( and in case you didn't know........I love big hair). With any luck maybe someday it will be back "in-style" ......much like everything making a comeback these days .........kinda like "tube tops" which really ......should have stayed hidden!!  

So why am I suddenly doing things that require changing my ways? I'm not sure, maybe I'm trying to go with the flow, accept the things I can not change (now I sound like an AA meeting) and I am learning to embrace change. Or maybe it’s the fact that I will be 29 (+ 10+ 1) this year…….(hopefully none of you are good at math and just gloss over the extra equation added in) and I figure if not now ...then when? I have been doing things this year that push me outside of my comfort zone ALOT. One of my personal  goals I set for myself this year was to work on public speaking. I didn’t write it down, I just had that little fact tumbling around in my head! Anyone that knows me….can tell you I am not at all shy – but the thought of standing up and presenting and speaking with all eyes on me….. AHHHHHH yeah that scares me!!! Even if I am picturing people naked …. Yep- still nervous and now a little freaked out because really …not everyone is meant to be pictured naked!!!!

Changes ahead are rapidly approaching as my work life will be topsy turvy, with bossman retiring soon.....according  to his countdown app he has 84 days left! I love that I have a bossman that lets me be me, he lets me show my "delightful (hahahahaha) and colorful" personality ...and by colorful I mean my whole friggen work area is PINK, HIGH HEELS and PIGS!! He doesn't make me tone it down.......he actually adds to it! One year he even bought me a Christmas Pig Yard Ornament .....pretty sure he thought it would be in my own front yard ....nope - I had other plans. I busted that sucker open, named him Preston Pig and he became the office mascot, who BTW is very well know at work! After Christmas came and went bossman looked at me and said ....."Preston can't stay it still looks like Christmas" .....hummmmm so what I heard was "Preston COULD stay if he didn't look like Christmas" ...that was 2 Christmases ago, Preston Pig now has his own wardrobe cabinet and even his own "Hog-a-day" Card! It will be a sad day when bossman retires ~ and I hate it! But I am trying to embrace change, change is good right? Isn't that what they say? Seriously? I still think it sucks ass - but I guess after 35 years he deserves it.

On a whim, I entered an essay contest about becoming an Avery Brand (Office Products) Ambassador (spokes person), which in turn they would send me FREE (who doesn't love free)  office products to sample, and presentation material that I would need to present to different groups, have a website and do social media post, etc. The contest runs until the end of June 2015 and the winner gets I believe $5000 cash - heck yeah!!! Sounded like a great idea when I signed up.....and I viewed it as another way to work on my public speaking skills...(not to mention I could by alotta shoes with that kind of cash). When I got the letter that I was selected .....I was excited ....and then.......I thought "Oh shit ...what did I get myself into now"? Which has pretty much been my response to a lot of things I have done lately!!   Like my new party adventure as a Pure Romance Consultant! I am super excited (and not just because I get boxes of .....errrrr .and the mail ~ however that is a bonus) but because this is a new, (yet VERY scary ) adventure ~ where once again I am outside my comfort zone- pushing my limits!  I have found that the other reps not only in the area but all around  are like a new found sisterhood ~ everyone is so supportive and helpful (amazing when you think about it ...... it's all women and no one is clobbering someone over the head with their shoe).

Taking the plunge is the only way I will discover new things and I think this could be an amazing new chapter to add to my 29 (+10+1) years. And if I don't try it would I ever know what will happen?? So here's to embracing change......and all the WTF's that are coming my way (including that big +1 that is rapidly approaching in November)!   


Ready To Party????

OMG- where did June go?? Did I blink and we are now in July already?? WTH?? Next time I blink it'll be December!!! Ughh Well lets fast forward and just say that I was the one (and not the hubster)  who caved and allowed technology back into the house (and Hubster did set a timer for it to shut off - bad part of that ... is those nights with insomnia ... and I have no internet!!! And like now I am currently racing a midnight cut off!!! Ahhhhhh ). But it really is like having my very own minion, allowing computer time.

PC:  "Please mom, can I please earn some computer time??"
ME: "Well the floors need to be vacuumed"
PC: "Ok now can I?"
ME: "Looks like the laundry needs to be taken to the laundry room, oh and the garbage's need to be empty ...all of them, oh and don't forget the dishwasher. Make sure to empty and reload it!!! " 
PC: (surely gritting his teeth as he says ok) "OK mom ....all my chores are done, can I PLEASE go on the computer now"

ME: "Sure you have 45 minutes."
PC: "WHAT - after all that?? No I need more time"
ME: " Now you have 30 minutes"
PC: " What? Wait - No - Wait I will take the 45 minutes"

Kudos that he and hubster have been going to the gym at least 4 nights a week ( way more then my lazy muffin top self has been doing) and he is swimming with Jack our water boy daily and well "was" going to Mama Peppers and helping, but somehow he weaseled his way out of doing that!! But he leaves on Sunday to go to the mountains with Mama Pepper....and Witness Protection should be here Monday morning to relocate the Hubster and I!!!

Lets see.... Recap of June...........

1. Jill - the trouble maker has developed a love for my plants ...and YES don't worry folks  they are "Dog Friendly" as they jump right outta the pot and display themselves all over the deck....but look at that face on her!!! I think she is totally mocking me!!!

2.I cut all my hair off (ummm still not sure I like it)  ...and my minion also got 6 inches cut of his...for computer time.....(insert evil laugh here )

3. Went to Drag Queen BINGO- with the "Dirty Bitches" (catch phrase from DQB) from work  - and that was a riot!!! We will have to do that again...even if its just to call the others "Dirty Bitches" and to toss our none winning BINGO card at the winner as they circle around the bar!

4. Jack and Jill went up the hill ....well really around the bed like pro race car drivers, and Mom (aka Me)  fell down tumbling after them... landing on my knee ...OUCH -long story short ....3 weeks of hobbling, saw the young, hot ortho doctor yesterday and today was the 1st day I woke up without pain!! Love those cortizone shots!!!

5. After attending a very entertaining and fun-tab-u-lous  "Pure Romance Party" I have taken the plunge and signed up to be a consultant (click here to see my website they give you) !! So what does that mean to you?? Well .... for all you local buddies that may read this dribble I write - it means that YOU will be invited to a Launch Party (so I can practice - making you OHHHH and AHHHHH and say WTF does that do??) ....and that YOU will have so much fun laughing, giggling and just about ready to pee your pants fun ....... that YOU will beg for me to come and do a party at your house - with all your girlfriends!!!And that YOU will earn FREE STUFF .... for having a good ol' time at your house, with your friends! All you need to do is invite a few friends, have some finger foods, and some cocktails ...and let the fun begin!!!

All those non-local peeps that may come across this ................. hey some day I will  travel ... ...eventually ~ we can always do a catalog party, Facebook party... ...if you see something that may ...well Tickle Your Fancy! Pun, very much intended! HAHAHHAAHA

Guess what else?? NO MEN or CHILDREN are allowed!!! REALLY??? Yep that's right!!! They are NOT ALLOWED..... (yep those are the rules) .... How Fab-Tab-U-LOUS is that?? ( oh ....whoops....sorry.. ..Hubster... you can play later)! So after I figure out what all this fun-tab-u-lous "stuff actually is and does"  (OMG - seriously?? WTH is some of this stuff) ...Anyways it'll be game on!! And don't worry's not just "Those kind of toys (although really what more could you need) ...but they have bath and beauty products, lotions, lubes and!!!"

And NOPE  you wont see any of these items at the next Yard Sale at Mama Peppers (more rules on that) ....although they would go nicely with the "Astro Glide, mini massager,  pregnancy test and diapers that we had).So all you men that aren't allowed share this with your ladies.. so they can get busy booking parties!!!

Soggy Summer

Note to self- " Don’t send the grounded child to his Meme's house as punishment …..she taught him to drive the car" WHAT???  I sent him over there so you'd make him do chores...lots and lots of chores!!! Make him scrub the toilets, wash windows, clean the base boards, paint the fence with a tooth brush, sweep the porch, do the laundry ….NOT  teach him to drive!! You know who I am calling when he steals the car now dontcha!!!! He's only 13 ~ but apparently that’s what Meme's do … ..since her mother let the hubster drive to another STATE at 10 ….. Good Gravy … lets not tell PC that one - he''d  be begging to go on a road trip!!!Speaking of road trips… he will be taking one with Mama Pepper - and I wont have to worry about her letting him drive …….Only because she gets car sick if anyone other then her has control of the wheel.   
Yep PC is going to the mountains, to White top West Virginia, where I was held hostage in my teenage years.  Yepper-  that's right held hostage by Mama Pepper (or anyone else she could send me off to the mountains with) I would mail out postcards that I was being held hostage to come save me to my friends!! Back in the day when you  made mixed tapes on the boom box, to listen to on your Walkman…...back in time before personal computers, internet, emails ,Facebook, Skype, iPods  …… or gasp…. before we all had cell phones!!! The nosey mailman who obviously read my pleas to be saved from the torture of being isolated in the woods, with no connection to the human world, would give Mama Pepper glaring looks, and ask about the teenage girl on the mountains being held hostage (Mama Pepper would just roll her eyes) ! Clearly he wasn’t interested in saving me, as the cavalry never showed up to take me away!!  
PC is very excited to go (me too … I will try and NOT do cart wheels as the car is pulling out of the drive may be hard to contain my excitement that I will be PC free for a whole week .....come to think of it ... that's enough time to pack up the house and relocate into witness protection ....hummmm something to consider). I have forgotten to mention to PC that there is no computer, no cell reception ( not that he has his cell back) and I think they may have a whopping 3 channels on the one TV.  I am sure PC has big plans of getting away from me and hubster (who has been holding strong on the no technology rule ) and plop his ass into a computer chair and Ahhhhhh take a break from being grounded!! HAHAHHAHAHA Wrong -bucko!!  
Hummmm come to think of it ……. if I had any common sense I would leave PC here and I would go to the mountain!! And enjoy the peace and quite………...I guess you really do wise up when you get older (even thou I am still only 29)!!!But I will need to stay here , after all who would be fishing Jack outta the pool every 10 minutes morning, noon and night!! Jack the water dog, Jack the mighty Beatle hunter, Jack the soaking wet dog 100 times a day , yep that’s Jack- Jill is like get that giant ass bath tub away from me - I want no part of that wet stuff - just leave me alone!!! Then Jack pushed her in .......needless to say much like the PeeTree the Cat  when Jack pushed her in the pool ....was NOT a happy girl …... it will be a long soggy, technology free summer (for PC at least)  …... I see lots of laundry in my future.......ERR  correction .... I see lots of laundry in PC's summer ....after all Jack was "suppose" to be HIS DOG!!!

Make It A Double

Did you know it's possible to be suspended from school  AND be asked NOT to return all because you’re an ASS-MUNCH?? Yepper - we sure did find out that the hard way! I should have followed the clues when….. 
  1. They raised his tuition rate  for the upcoming year   
  2. After my "Teacher Conference" that was oh so delightful … know where they listed that he had a "Superior Attitude " and was "A know it All" and " Rude" oh...... and all time favorite "Stated that DAD wanted to see the teachers credentials".  
  3. Of course the "Fart Spray" incident didn't help things  
I thought we were back on track … clearly I need a new road map because …....Boy was I wrong, the hubster called me on Wednesday and said "I'm on my way to pick up your boy - he's been suspended for the rest of the week. He was causing a commotion"  WTF??? But in the 15 minutes it may have taken the hubster to get to school - it was "He is suspended for the rest of the year. ….. And we will send home his exams to take AT HOME" …..Oh and…. "We don’t want him back here unless you can guarantee that his attitude and behavior has changed" …..UMMMM and how do you think we are able to guarantee that he wont be an ass?? I mean hello?? I have been working on that for 13 years now .. Hasn’t happened yet!!! He is still an ass!!! 
 I still am unsure of WHAT exactly happened, according to PC all he did was "move a desk" ...the other kid(s) were actually "expelled"  and I guess the commotion was yelling, screaming and cussing … and PC moving the desk……Pretty sure "Your Suspended" and "We don’t want you back" are the same as being "Expelled" …...but what do I know? It all seemed to happen so fast that my head is still spinning. The only other call we ever had in 2 years was after the Fart Spray last week!! Could he really be that much of a jerk-wad to the teachers?? No need to shake your head and agree...I have no doubt that the answer is ...YES  he could!!! OMG!!!!
 Not that I am making light of this, I really am trying to keep calm and not choke the life out of him or the hubster - because I think he is being WAY TO NICE about it ….I really don’t want to be featured on the 6pm evening news…..and trust me when I say it hasn’t been easy, I'm mad, angry, frustrated , humiliated and simply pissed off at this kid!! Pretty sure the tears I have shed over the last few days and nights have actually been produced from the steam that has been coming outta my ears. How did this happen?? How did it come to this?? And a ton of WTF's sprinkled in.....
So here I am …….the proud parent of a child who made Magna Cum Laude the first grading period and was kicked out for being an ass-munch by the 2nd grading period. WTF?? Today I get an email from the school … that to make things easier on me (us) we have 2 choices  regarding PC taking his exams …..he can keep the grades that he currently has as his "Final Grades" or he can take the Exams which depending on the scores could HELP or HURT   his current final grade … .I braced myself ….thinking obviously if he was being such an ass-munch (my new favorite word) then his grades must be horrible, how can someone causing so much commotion pay attention and be getting good grades….obviously he is failing miserably …… 
Drum Roll Please  
Algebra B+ 
Language Arts A 
Geography C- 
Science C+ 
Fast Forward B 
TA C+ 
Journalism A 
Hummm….mind blowing eh? Ummmm,  I voted to keep those grades as his current final grade , because really  they are pretty good … I know I couldn’t pull an B+ outta my ass right now in Algebra … I was Googling  the how to video's to figure out his math homework last week!! And do I want to be screaming and yelling anymore then I already am doing right now with our situation about him doing these freaking exams at home!! Of course I have no intention on telling PC that he does not have to take them, I think I may even get a copy of them and make him take them anyways…...just for fun.  
The last 2 days I have signed him up to work with Mama Pepper  and helping her with things, I refuse to let him sit around and think he is on some friggen vacation …. Nope we will work him like  a dog. There is no computer, no video games, no cell phone ….for the entire SUMMER …..just chores, chores oh and more chores. And if I have to box up all those things so that the hubster wont cave … so be it … I have the boxes already to be pack and some duck tape to wrap it up and plop it in my next yard sale!! Maybe ever slap a sticker on his head (maybe both PC and Hubster if they don't straighten up)  - free with a purchase!!!
So now what?? So where do we go from here?? Where am I sending the ass-munch for 8th grade?? I have no friggen clue..... yet ….... 
 Where do I go from here?? Straight to the mini bar and grabbing the tequila ….Mama needs a double tall margarita its been a rough week!!!!