Do the numbers matter?

My OCD is starting to rear it's ugly head again! One school I work at has a scale, a digital scale in the bathroom! Let me fill you in on a little secret, I am addicted to scales, they draw me to them , just like doughnuts! I weigh my self before and after I pee just to compare! It's a thrill to see the numbers go down, it is just ounces but hey the numbers went down! In my single days I actually had a scale in front of the fridge! Yes I know crazy , but all comes with the eating disorder, now instead of being Bulimic, which I can say I overcame when I was 26 and throwing up morning , noon and night while pregnant! I thought OMG! I did this on purpose for 15 years? What am I CRAZY! No answer needed!

Well as luck would have it I had to reschedule at this school so I have been there EVERY week this month instead of just twice monthly! But to my horror the numbers are raising! I chucked it up to "mother nature's visit" but the numbers keep raising! It took my 11 months of hard core workouts and I lost 30 pounds and it only takes 2 months to gain 7 lbs back! WTF! OMG! AHHHHH! Hubby tries to comfort me by saying a gallon of water equals 6 lbs! WHO CARES! I didn't drink a gallon of water today! I would have peed a F%$#ing gallon of water back out! Then him AND Slacker were telling me it was "MY BODY'S" way of telling me I needed to gain some weight back! WHAT? NOOOOOOOO that is not the answer I wanted to hear! UGHHH I know in my head that numbers don't matter, I know it is suppose to be the way your clothes fit, the way you feel ,muscle weighs more then fat, oh blah blah blah , I've heard it all before and I know that's what it is SUPPOSE to be, but my mind has a different view on it!

So needless to say I think it's stress that brought on the 7 lbs and the OCD with the numbers on that scale! I mean we are moving across state AGAIN in 11 days! I doubt that the adventure home will be as adventurous as the trip up here to NC but you never know! And who knows maybe the hubby will buy me my very own scale! Wishful thinking I am sure since I haven't owned one in over 12 years!

No comments:

Post a Comment