No Awards Coming My Way

Well I was right ~ the hubster did make a promise so that PC would get a haircut! Lucky for me it wasn't a plot to kill me or a promise of a new car so PC could run me down! No it was for the hubster to put " Minecraft" on his computer so they could play together, oh and he also wanted it on my computer but the hubster knew better and decided that probley was not going to happen.  So now they can sit in 2 seperate rooms, both on their computer and yell back and forth about what they are doing! Fan-Freaken- Tastic ~ now they both can go on and on about "This One Time In Minecraft" ..... but he did get  a haircut......not that you can tell, it was a trim....not even a noticeable trim!

Not winning any "Mother of the Year" awards this weekend ~ not even in the running! The hubster won a "Adventure Time House Party" Adventure Time is yet another ridlouous show that he likes! Anyways when the hubster opened his email to a winning the party link he had 10 minutes to put in the date, time and 10 emails to win. Which he did, which I forgot and apperanetly so did the 10 people that he put in the emails for. Did I mention that he made the party time 3pm..............on a Saturday? The box arrived with all the goodies to hand out at the party and a "New Epsoide not yet aired" ~ you are suppose to watch it at the party and provide pictures and feedback!

 I get home from work at noon-ish on Saturday and the house is nice and clean.  PC has the balloons blown up, and on the phone with his buddy and says "Hey Mom - Will wants to know what he can bring to the Party?"  I look at him and say ...um I not really sure we are having a "real party" not sure anyone is actually coming we kinda forgot! But tell him to bring what ever and we'll get pizza and watch the show".

Needless to say the look on his face of total shock and sadness that we would not be having a party about killed me! So I started back peddling and running around like a chicken with my head cut off! I start texting, calling and posting on Facebook to bring your child to my house at 3pm!!! I was able to round up a few people to attend. Thought about asking random people at the grocery store if they wanted to attend~ but than again I didn't want to seem like I was a crazy stalker lady!  I think he just wanted me to race around like a crazy lady and so we'd have lots of snacks in the house and pizza! I should have known that when he and his buddy were not very interested in the Adventure Time show they were there to watch, but more interested in there 3rd and 4th piece of pizza and running to his room to play MINECRAFT....that they had already watched it!!! One of the requirements for the party is for you to post pictures of the party....this is where and only where that Freaking Brown Shirt came in handy!! I photo shopped a picture of PC and his buddies that I took the day before they went back up north in to the party picture!AHHHHHHHHHH

You would think by pulling off a "Adventure Time Party" and having a few people show up at my house for a party and all the freaking snacks I ended up getting I would have redeemed myself and gotten some type of Mother of the Year Award! Or a Thank you! Nope sure did not!  By Sunday night he was storming off to bed at 7pm telling me that " I have ruined his life, his entire life" ~ WOW really all 11.5 years I have ruined? Really?? I've ruined his entire life???

So are you wondering exactly HOW I managed to ruin his ENTIRE life on Sunday night? Well here is the horrible thing I did....are you ready?? Brace yourself........... I opened the freezer and found that he had a huge mess of crumbs from the "Oreo Ice Cream Cake" left overs ( from the party that is) all over the bottom of the  freezer and the kitchen floor! The horrible thing I asked him to do.................."Get off the computer and clean it up" and no I did NOT make him lick it up off the floor with his tongue! I just asked him to clean it up!

He tossed a paper towel on the floor walking away with a " UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" and went into the bathroom and then his room.  So I wiped it up walked in to his room and VERY CALMLY I might add  and  said "Since you cant do what you are asked to do, then you will not be on the computer"  He argued back that he was going to clean it up but he had to go to the bathroom..... I replied still calmly "Well I guess you should have mentioned that BEFORE I cleaned up your mess and now you need to turn off the computer"

And well there you have it ..........That is how I have single handily RUINED HIS ENTIRE LIFE! Oh well he went to bed at 7pm and woke up at 7:30am, I just may have to ruin his life a little more often if he plans on going to bed at 7pm and I get to have a peaceful evening!

Gone Wild

REALLY?Do we have to show the public how to be idiots! Pretty sure there are enough in the world, that we don't have to had out huge trophy to say Good Job Jackass!

  Guinness World Records Gone Wild

is a new TV show that started last night and of course PC and the Hubster were super exited to watch! Really it should be called "Stupid People Do Stupid Shit"! But no I guess that was the show they were watching when I got home " Dumbest Daredevil Part 2" which means there was a part one??? Do people really wake up and decide one day to put clothes pins on there face? And then kept adding them until you had....oh I dunno.......... 170 of them hanging from their face!OUCH WTF?? Yep...sounds like that would be a World Record for some dumb ass person!!! Or hey why don't I eat 20 flaming candles one at a time....in less than 2 minutes ...humm ............your choking on the melted wax in your throat SHOCKING really! Just wait til you hit the bathroom later ewwwww that won't be pleasant!

I just looked at the hubster and PC and said "Let's not try and of these tricks at home please"!!

 

Hubster:"We had a chat today and we are going shopping this weekend for some new shirts" (Hopefully not BROWN ones) "AND he is going to do his best to be good if you promise not to yell at him"

Me: " Hummm seems to me ....I wouldn't yell if he was BEING GOOD!!! " I mean HELLO really?

And this morning I get a call on my way to work ~

PC " Hey Mom can you see if you can get a haircut scheduled for me tomorrow? "

Me: "Who is this?"

PC: " Funny mom ~ call and see if I can get my haircut with Ms. Mel and have a good day."

Me: "Ummm okay who is this again?"

PC:" Bye Mom"

 

So here's the thing..... PC has not had his hair cut since JUNE yes JUNE of 2012....he hates haircuts, the last one he got in June he cried and cried after we left because it was too short! Yep that's what happens when you sit down and say " Give me a crew cut"  and frankly if he wants to look like Cousin It from the Adam's Family, or a long lost Beetle who the hell cares!  I have better battles to fight then thatb at the moment  ~ like I dunno getting him out of the freaking BROWN shirt! I am pretty sure I am going to be anti -brown anything pretty soon!!!

 

I'm positive that  hubster bribed PC for this whole going shopping, being good and now a haircut??? Humm what could he have offered?? A new car? His very own Visa? A new computer??Me to stop breathing?? I know a deal was made and  I know it'll be big....I have high hopes for the shopping and the hair cut and the being good.....BUT then again.........I haven't been drinking so I am not delusional  enough to believe it'll be all rainbows and unicorns this weekend ~ but I am hoping!

 

 

 

 

Booger Factory

Seriously, I am over 2013 already let's fast forward be done with it and I'll try my luck at 2014! Monday night I tried talking to PC because GASP............the next day was Tuesday.....and if you don't know what that means, then read this post to catchup "Crash Course".

I sat in his room hoping that the conversation would lead to ...I dunnno a freaking miracle and he'd see the light and be like "Yeah mom , lets try on some other clothes, I sooooo hate this brown shirt too that I've been wearing since Christmas, and I'm ready to be back to my old self and wear what ever the hell you have in my dresser! " Yeah I'd even be okay if he slipped in said the word hell at that point!
Nope no such luck, the conversation pretty much came to a crashing halt as  hit a brick wall, at full speed.
PC: "No I am not going to practice wearing other shirts,no I am not going to the doctors,  stop talking to me, I don't want to talk to you, leave me alone"  ~ Pretty sure he had this phrase set to loop because that's all he'd say.
I really was quite proud of myself that  I was still using the calm , rational mom voice and not the screaming lunatic mom that I am so often these days. I reminded him that we have our appointment with the OCD doctor tomorrow and REALLY  I did not want to sit there for hours on end, like last week when he wouldn't remove the freaking shoe for over 45 minutes!
Okay...okay ....lunatic mom is starting to rear her head...so ....SNAP, SNAP, SNAP, OUCH,OUCH,OUCH!
Hummm what is the snap, snap , snap you ask? Well everyday at work my mail comes bundles with orange rubber bands, that I now am wearing as a stylish fashion accessory and snapping the shit outta my wrist as soon as I am getting ready to SNAP and become the crazy luniac mom and I give myself a SNAP when I start to carry on about the FREAKING BROWN SHIRT......(this post explains)...SNAP SNAP SNAP!!!

In walks the hubster who gives his 2 cents, storms out and then does the unthinkable.....throws out the entire pan of freshly baked Brownies he had just made in the trash! WTF - I was waiting for those to cool jackass! UGHHHH

PC decides this conversation is over and he goes to bed at 7:30pm, with no brownies (for any of us)...other then the one he nabbed before we started our "chat".  I settle in on the couch and begin to absolutely dread going to his appointment the next day and can just imagine how utterly painful it will be.And actually start to envision ways to get out of the appointment because I know it'll be a disaster!!

Then it starts..... the sneezing, I can actually here the snot spraying boogers with each and every sneeze. EWWW  after a few minutes I walk back into his room, with tissue box in hand knowing that boys will be boys and they are too freaking lazy to actually go get a tissue and his lovely brown shirt would be booger coated. I know lovely visualize you have now right! So along with the sneezing comes the coughing........

WTF- great in the 30 minutes you laid here in trouble you become a sick booger factory! UGHHHHH I send him to the shower to de-boog and hope that the steamy shower will help with the mucus now he is coughing up. Because I know as soon as the hubster realizes what is happening it'll toss him right over the cliff (which he is half way over it now obviously..........he proved that theory........ since he tossed out freshly baked Brownies!!!). Here's the thing, he cant deal with the coughing when PC gets sick, he is much like his mother and has a fear of the little gem choking. He paces the floor, walking back and forth in front of PC's room,  has slept out in his car, gone to the office at midnight, slept outside on the lawn chair just to be able to get some shut eye.

BY TOSSING OUT FRESHLY BAKED BROWNIES!!!

Great just freaking fabulous....in walks hubster right on cue ..."What is he getting sick? That's just great!" ........Oh yes that's just what I was thinking......But Hey........at least now we wont have to visit the OCD doctor tomorrow and I have another whole week to try and and get him to at least pretend like he doesn't want to look like the UPS man and be in a freaking brown shirt anymore!

Penny Slots Here I Come

We had an afternoon of gambling today ~ and one thing is clear............I do not have my mama's luck when it comes to the slot machines or anything lotto related! She can put in a $20 dollar bill and spin it in to $1000's with a mere push of the button~ the lights start flashing and sirens go and everyone knows we have a winner there!!  Me ~ on the other hand I can put in a $20 and I might as well have flushed it down the toilet ~ because it's going.... going..... gone!!! Took the hubster with his fat wad of cash ~  yep gave him a "gangster" roll for his birthday a wad of $1's. He told me I should have put a $20 on the top of the $1's to make it look like it was more. Obviously he didn't know I was practicing flushing those down the toilet so I'd appear to be an expert at losing while we were at the casino.

Spending the afternoon at the Hard Rock  gives you a chance to see a whole new world....well if you can see through the thick fog of cigarette smoke that is! The wrinkle rumble fest of people pulling along their oxygen tanks, as they light the cigarette and claim their seat for the afternoon hoping to win the big jackpot! Well them and about 10,000 other people. I think maybe the flashing lights and the chimes and sirens send out  hypnotic suggestions like" Spend all your money. ..... Keep feeding this machine..... Come on one more $20............ Cant you feel it......... That's it hit the ATM". It's like a time warp in there, the time just slips away....well and so does you money!

We took a break from all the heavy gambling  ~ you know those penny slots work up an appetite, and went for a bite to eat. We decided on the Hard Rock cafe- they had burgers and sandwiches, so that'll work ~ I mean how much could that be! HAHAHAHAHA .....burgers for $15.00 really? Man oh man...good thing it's the hubster's birthday~ and good thing mama gave him a gift card.........and good thing it was for the Hard Rock!  So we have a table for 5, the hubster, his brother, sister in law and his buddy and me. I maybe a bit judgemental when it comes to being waited on ~ coming from a long line of waitresses and doing it for the majority of my life ~ I have certain expectations ~ like  when burgers are $15.00!

Let's just say that the "uniforms" that they have for the different restaurants and cocktail servers were clearly designed by a man.....who had never worked in a restaurant before!! Or he'd know that if the shorts are SO short that there is barely enough material to cover the butt cheeks then a "hairnet" may be required in the front! Good golly ~ all I could think was  I didn't want her as my server because I was certain the majority of the day was digging for gold to get the shorts (or lack of) out of her crack!! One extreme to the next if they aren't spilling out the bottom, are spilling out the front! Hello would you like a side nipple with those fries?? I'm all for working with what you got~ but let's leave something to the imagination! The men all had skin tight shirts on, prettier hair than any of the woman and could use a side of fries with the amount of SHAKE they had in their step

We had a little sticker shock when our $160- bill came and The service was not great - certainly not  $24 worth of an automatic gratuity that was added to our party of 6. WTF -
 ME: "Hey buddy do you always add gratuity to all tables? "
WAITER: looks at me and says "NO - parties of 6 or more"
 We look back and say "And just how many of us do you see? We are a party of 5"
WAITER: "Oh but you ordered an appetizer and the computer counts that an an extra person"

HUMMM ~ I'm guessing that the computer does that when the waiter types in under guest number  6~ so that the gratuity for his shitty service is automatically added in!!! Then I think he realized ~Oh shit ~ she didn't have anything to drink to help impair her thinking that this was a logical answer and piped in "Oh I can fix that ~ if you need me to"! Pretty sure there was an eye roll that he added with it !

I know we should have  made him change it, but I am also sure it would have taken FOREVER just like his service and food took  FOREVER! And after all we were there to win some money and have some fun! Which the hubster actually did, he's not spinning it in to $1000's of dollars like my mama is ~ but then again she's got years of practice on him! But he came home with more than he went with so that'll work!
 
Feb.02.2013

This One Time

So Saturday I have plans to take the hubster out to for his birthday and PC as charming as he CAN be when he WANTS something ...is not invited! Actually the beauty of my idea is "No Kids Allowed"! Whoooooo where do I sign up for more places like that? Anyways we wont be gone but a few hours and it's mid day and my dilemma is......what do I do with PC?

He of course is balking at any ideas of him having to go somewhere other then having his ass planted in his computer chair! And really you'd think I had 4 heads if I even thought to utter the word babysitter.....as if....I mean seriously he is almost 12!! Sure we leave him alone for a hour here or there, he is almost 12 after all! And it's not like I am worried he'd burn the house down, or have wild party's or be looking for boobies on the Internet. No I know exactly what he'd be doing....all  he ever wants to do.......he'd play "Minecraft". While skyping with his other buddies who also have their ass planted in a chair when it's gourgeous outside!  It's always "Minecraft this, Minecraft that". Usually he will start his conversation with "This one time in Minecraft" and I totally hear ....."This One Time At Band Camp"!

I have not figured out the fascination with Minecraft yet, have you seen the graphics? Over the holidays at gamestop they had a "Minecraft Creeper Box" whatever the hell that is? Anyways it was a square box, with green blocks and cut out eyes...they wanted $20 bucks for it. The conversation went pretty much like this....
PC: That's so cool I have to have one
ME: Um NO -  not happening
PC: But I have to get it
ME: It's a cardboard box- we can stop by the post office and get one for free and I'll paint green squares on it and cut out eyes
PC: Ughhhh Mom  I'm serious
ME: Me too, it's a freaking card board box what the hell do you plan on doing with it?
PC: Duh...I'd wear it
ME: Yeah I can totally see that would happen!
PC: I would while I am mining
ME:  It's a cardboard box with eyes cut out of it....it's $20 bucks ....and  not happening! It's time to go!
SALES GIRL: But it's made with really steady cardboard and it's cool!

Pretty sure the look on my face is what made her decide she'd be much better off with helping someone else....anyone else...but me! Wise choice grasshopper!

I'm positive that if we left for several hours or days, the little Prince would not even realize we had left, well until he was hungry, humm not even sure if he'd notice then! Last week I came home to his buddy on my computer out here in the craft room and PC in his room and they were playing with each other in their Minecraft world??Are you kidden me?? Silly me I thought they could both hang out together in the 3-D world like...I dunno...............in the same room!!!

Jan. 31,2013