Shark Attack.....I have the scars to prove it


Of course we have all one of those conversations where someone says something to you, and it sticks in your head for days on end.....like now, when I really should be going to bed, but I currently have a traffic jam in my head!!! So here I am 29 + 10 + 1 ( yea do the math or stop at the 29 - that's what I do), and an innocent comment that a total stranger made on Saturday morning, has my wheels spinning in overdrive, like I am 5 years old again!


5th Birthday .. I think I am holding a cat hostage!

Most people that know me, know I had hip surgery as kid, where they broke both of my hips to turn my legs around, and I was in a full body cast for months ( seemed like forever) and if you've seen me in shorts, a bathing suit or those awesome micro minis ( that I use to have the body to rock in high school ) then you know I also have scars, large dimple looking scars on both sides of my hips. I was almost 5 and in a full body cast, from my chest down to my toes, with a bar in between my legs and pins in my hips to keep my legs straight, and I had a little red wagon that I traveled in, flat on top of it. I spent weeks at All Children's Hospital ....which funny enough is where I now work.

I remember certain things clearly, like my cousin "M" and her friend "S"  pulling me in my little red wagon to go Tricker Treating on Halloween, I was dressed as a sweet little baby doll, I was transformed into a live screaming doll.....with real tears, because when the neighbor, " Crazy Eddie" jumped out of the tree in a gorilla suit ....and my 2 trusty babysitters RAN.... YEP they ran and left this poor, defenseless child, in her full body cast on her wagon, screaming at the crazy man in the gorilla suit!!!! Who took off his mask, to help calm me down..... it didn't work ... I don't remember ever going Tricker Treating (Or anywhere else alone)  with those 2 again, that's for sure!!! I also remember same loving cousin, with her older brother "B" putting me in a sleeping bag, and one being at the top of the stairs, while the other was at the bottom ......and having me slide down.... More like a thump, thump, thump (they of course do not remember those adventures). Or being propped up at my 5th birthday party or Christmas eve,  because I had 2 positions I could be in, I could stand or lay down....I eventually learned to scoot across the carpet on my belly at my great grandmothers house by pulling on the shag  carpet. I remember laying in  the back of a truck on blankets the entire ride to the mountains

I guess you can say it built character ..... because obviously I am full of it!!! HAHHAHA
 

See the dimple peeking out?  

 I don't really remember how long I was in the body cast,  I do however remember the day I was freed from it ......I was screaming "leave me in it" as I thought Dr. Hobbie was chain sawing me out of it!!! I may not be good with names, but you tend to remember the man's name that broke both your legs, slapped you in a full body cast and was now trying to saw me in half ... Yep that was Dr. Hobbie.....(he has to be like 100 by now - because I can picture him in my head plain as day and he was like 100 then)
  I'm sure in my 5 year old mind, it was a way bigger saw than in actuality and he may have only been 90-ish.  But hey, my story, my memories!!

Once freed, I had to learn to do everything all over again, walk swim, bike etc. I even mastered the art of twirling my baton, skating across the brick rode! That was cut short when I fell , broke my arm and a car ran over the TOP of me ... didn't hit me, ran over the top of my body...I know what you are thinking ... How on earth did I ever survive Childhood?? Pretty sure Mama Pepper wonders the same thing some days.. ......or how SHE survived my childhood!!!
 
I also now had these 2 long scars on my hips, with dimples. Not sure I realized what they were until I returned to school the next year, Mama Pepper thought it best I repeated kindergarten ... something about "learning to share again" .... Hey you spend months in a cast and you will also NOT want to share your toys (or cat) with people who can walk away from you and not give it back!! What was I gonna do chase them?? I remember kids  being kids ( translation....mini asshats) and saying " Ewww what's that?" Or " Ewww what happened?" or wose "Eww Gross", these statement in some form or another has followed me the entire 29 + 6 years ( I know again with the math)  I have adored these scars on my hips. The doctors had once said, she will never have scars from this, she will grow taller and the skin will stretch and you won't notice them. HA - I stopped growing in 6th grade - so much for growing taller I have been 5' 2  and 1/2 on big hair days that is....

One summer, I remember going to my granddaddy and crying after we had been at the beach, and i was greeted with " Ewww what happened to you? Why do your legs look like that?" He told me plain and simple  as I sat on his knee and twirled my finger around the salt rim on his Old Milwalkie beer (just so I could taste it)  "There  are all  types of people out there, if people want to talk about you, point and stare, then give them something to talk about.  Be proud of those battle scars you wear, they make you unique and you." .........Okay, seriously that was SO not the answer I wanted at 9 so we also devised several tall tales about  what happened to me .....like I was attacked by a shark, bear, a shot gun .....I mean really I have  2 scars on both of my outside hips .....it's possible that's what actually happened!!! And to a 9 year old way more exciting then hip surgery!
 
I realize that my scars are so very minor and do not even  compare to so many people in this world, but nevertheless,  I can't say that the comments or questions have ever stopped about my scars, even Prince Charming when he was little utter those very same words to me - it's what kids (and adults) do.  I can say that my conversation when I was about 9 years old with my granddaddy helped me FINALLY pass my speech class in college, when we had to give a speech of something either completely true or completely false about yourself. And fool the class ..... After all I had the proof I had be shot  and the bullet ejected right out the other side of my hip! I so nailed that speech, granddaddy would have been proud! I'm just glad no one was smart enough to ask me if I had holes between my thighs .....and not just the outside!

Truthfully, I don't even realize they are there anymore, unless it's cold or rainy out, then my hips ache only to remind me. Or when someone points them out and to say " What happened to you?".

See this is where the 12ft shark got me!
those are teeth marks ..... I promise!
Funny how an innocent conversation with a stranger, in a waiting room ,can bring up a life time of memories, and feelings and all she said to me after noticing my scars was " Oh wow, you know you can have that fix and get rid of that", it took me a minute to even realize what the hell she was talking about, until she started explaining how they can stretch the skin, and pull this and  that and blah, blah, blah. I looked down at my legs and for a split second, I felt like that little girl with the mean kids pointing and saying "Ewww - what's that". Cutting her short before she had me signed up for plastic surgery, I just smiled and said "And why would I want to go and do all that? These battle scars made me who I am today - why change now?"

Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of things I would LOVE to fix and get rid of on my body ~ I mean don't we all???  I'd like to be 40lbs thinner, my arms and thighs to be firmer an ass you could bounce a quarter on, boobs that are back to the prefect perk I had at 19... But as far as the dimples I have on my hips...... Nah - if I got rid of them....... I'd run out of stories to tell ......and then things would just be boring!  


 

I'm over here ....with the Unicorns

A blank canvas ....and nothing to say? Seriously? I have so many rambling thoughts that are running a muck in my head, yet I can't seem to catch them!

Everyone is wondering how is Virtual School? Lets add that to the increasingly long list of WTF have I done now, and how do I fix it?? Needless to say .... this was not the magical cure we had all hoped it would be.The first few days, were nice, but now .......not so much! Obviously my motherly instincts suck at this thing we call kids!!! And NOPE ....I have idea  what's next in my chapter .......maybe I should start thinking of book titles ....."Welcome to Teenager Hell - I'll bring the Marshmallows" sounds catchy right? "This to shall pass...Like a Friggen Kidney Stone" or maybe keep it simple ... "Parenthood - WTH do I do now?". I know they still need some work .....but I'm brainstorming here...... I've got several titles spinning in my head, that I would no doubt be in big trouble with my Mama Pepper for jotting down ... brainstorming or not!

So lets just say there is no need to ask me how it's going so far ....especially because I have now  mastered the art of rolling my eyes (learned from Prince Charming himself) , so far around that I am almost positive that I can see what's behind me! I will be sure to scream it from the roof tops when we are back on track or when I figure out what the hell I am doing.....which ever ones comes first! But thank you for listening when I need to talk it out...........

For now............... I will be in my fairy tale world, where everything is sparkly and pink and I get to slide down rainbows and land on my unicorn. All without spilling my margarita, because some days sticking my head in the glitter is so much better than coming up for air and facing reality!

If you need me....I'll be over here on my unicorn ......




Just let it go .....


I realize that opinions are like assholes....everyone's got one,which would be why I never post or write about religion or politics, it's just not my thing. And I'm usually busy ranting and raving about Prince Charming ~ But today, I just have something to say......and not everyone will agree, which is okay, that's your choice and that's what this is about .....being able to choose.

 Until recently I never really gave it much thought, call me selfish or oblivious  if you will, but I never really thought about same sex marriages. I have a lot of gay friends who have fabulous partners, but I never focused on the whole "marriage thing" and NO it's not because I am against it, I guess I never stopped to think about it not being "legal or accepted" by others. Or maybe it's because  I see my gay friends as that ... My friends, I don't refer to people as my gay friend, single friend, living in sin friend, married, divorced 3 times, black, yellow or purple friend. I'm not sure why it should matter to anyone, who you wish to lay your head next to at the end of the night, as long as your cherished and loved. I mean people get married all the time right? Every time you turn around someone is getting married, divorced, remarried, over and over again. You can get a mail order bride, you can get married on Reality TV show without ever meeting! Really? And That's okay with you? I don't see people protesting on the court house steps for that! But letting 2 people that are the same sex get marry, who want to get married is not okay??? Are you serious? Why not? It's just something I don't understand! We don't choose who we fall in love with ....why do voters get to choose if gay couples can marry? In this day and age its not only sad, it's just ridiculous!
 
In January, Florida finally got their shit together an legalized same sex marriages (who knows maybe pot is next). I was honored when a lifelong family friend asked if I could officiate his wedding  to his partner of 13 years. I was also freaked out because I am a total virgin and had never performed a wedding .....much less a gay wedding! OMG - What will I say? What do I pronounce them?  What will I wear? I mean really you would have thought it was all about me, and that I was going to be the blushing bride, the way my brian kept firing off questions in my head!!! I was so nervous..... did I ever mention I hate public speaking? That I took Speech class so many times , I lost count until I finally passed it only because the class had like 5 people in it!!! I know hard to believe that I am could ever be speechless.

The big day was rapidly approaching, and I was more nervous by each and every passing day!! I made the girls at work sit at lunch time as I read the script to practice, I  had my captive audience at home "Jack and Jill" the pups who I read it to at night (okay ...maybe I had a cookie in hand), along with the hubster ( who could have probably recited it for me) I made Mama Pepper come to the rehearsal dinner to help calm my nerves ( because as the gem will tell you ......she talks to everyone)! We were welcomed by their amazing family and friends and that's when I knew I could this - for them!

The day of the wedding the grooms were beaming that their special day that they had waited for 13 years to have was finally here! They did an amazing job with the help of their family and friends,  I can honestly say that this was one of the most beautiful weddings ( besides my own...but of course) that I have even been to, it also was one of the most REAL weddings that I have even been witness to. From the gorgeous outside venue, the elegant flowers, decorations, pouring of the unity sand,  exchanging of rings , and the vows they wrote about their struggles they face head on together and how their love gets them through it, everything came from the heart. I stood with my knees knocking and butterfly in my belly, in front of all their family and friends and witnessed what real, raw, unconditional love is. As tears flowed down their faces, and the faces of all those who came in love and support for them, I finished the ceremony and proudly pronounced them Husband and Husband ( and thankfully my voice didn't even crack)!
 
We all have daily battles and struggles we fight, I know I do......but can you for a second imagine NOT being able to marry the one you love, not because they didn't love you back, but because some dumb law declared that marriage was only between a man and a woman? Or because someone else's religious views says it wrong. Can you imagine loving someone that you've spent a lifetime with, only to have something happen to them and because your not considered married - you don't have  rights or a say in their care, or well being? Why with all the evil things that already happens daily in this world today like riots, bombings, rape, murder etc. why can't we just let Love be Love?
At the end of the day does it really matter what sex you are and what sex you choose to love? In the end we all strive for the same thing, someone who will make us complete and who will love us during the good, the bad and the ugly.  It doesn't seem fair that there are a few states that are still trying to fight same sex marriage. Is there really nothing better for people to do then protest who can marry who? How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you could not marry your love because you were a man and she was a woman? Just let Love be Love and let the world be a better place!
 
 
 

My Square Peg

The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting things to change. That's what we have been doing ...... and it doesn't work.

I have a friend who encourages me to always write it down ...my story's, my tales, my quirky thoughts and opinions, she believes I could be the next Erma Bombeck, a writer from the 60's who wrote columns and books chronicling the ordinary life of a  suburban housewife using her humor to tell her tales! Now that right there would so be my dream job- right up there with sitting in my yoga pants, armed with my glue gun and crafting while sipping margaritas and petting the pups! Or professional shoe shopper .....

I have haven't been writing it down lately, because when you write it down it becomes real, and like that famous quote from "A Few Good Men" ..." You want the Truth? You cant handle the truth" - yep that's me, I cant handle the truth, the truth is I have been trying to jam a square peg in a round hole for years. I have dug my heels in so deep and fought tooth and nail, that this is the way things are ... because that's the way things need to be, because that's the normal thing to do. So what happens when that square peg just won't fit, no matter which way you turn it, no matter how bad you want it to glide right in to that round hole........ that shit just doesn't fit!
The past few months have been a real challenge with our Prince Charming, he has been struggling for so long with being uncomfortable in his own skin, having such anxiety being at school that he would just sit in the front office and not go to class, and he just shut down. It was like watching a volcano erupt and sadly we didn't know what to do but sit there and watch and wonder what we should do and how we could fix it. I've cried morning, noon and night over what did I do so wrong? What do I do to fix it and make him happy??
 I have an amazing support group of family and friends some who totally understand those struggles as they live them to some degree and some who just lead an ear to listen and offer their love and support. I have a friend who gives me a hug and says "Oh Pep...Oh Pep" when she sees that I am having that kind of day that makes it tough to breathe (which has been a lot lately) The comfort I get  in those 4 little words is overwhelming,(even thou I am at boob height to her which can be awkward - Ha ) because she sounds just like my Aunt Doll, who we all miss so much! She would use that phase so often when I was telling her of our adventures as she would laugh and shake her head.

So all those times I said ..."Over my dead body, When hell freezes over" and "Absolutely Not" have come to an abrupt halt. Here I am waving my white flag and surrendering -  hell must be frosty because I ended up withdrawing PC from school and enrolling him into the Home School program (God help us) , which in 10 days after we get the approval will be Virtual Homeschool.
  • Do I think that this will solve all the problems and issues we have with the gem? Nope - but I am trusting that my mothering instinct told me to do this for a reason
  • Do I think that it will be easy? Hell No - I am scared to death at what this will be like
  • Do I think this is the best option for my square peg in this round world? Well it damn sure is worth a  try - what do I have to lose
 
Did I wake up this morning and take a deep breath and say WTF have I done? You bet your sweet ass I did.  BUT I also noticed a difference in Prince Charming's attitude, like the weight of the world had been lifted. He even had the hair out of face which is a miracle all on its own, I could actually see those big beautiful brown eyes with those long gorgeous eye lashes and best of all he had a smile in his face - those are things we haven't seen in a while.
Do I think that this was the miracle I have been praying for?  No - I know we will have our ups and downs like we always do. 


 But for today ~ I think I will just raise my hands up in the air and enjoy the ride!
















Visit to the PoPo

November has been nothing short of a whirlwind of emotions! Parties for the bossman who is now officially retired, which I still thinks sucks, but I guess after you put in 33 years..... you deserve to relax. Still sucks! And after all that celebrating ......somehow my 29+10+1 birthday sneaked up on me!!! Math is so over rated.....so next year I am back to being just 29....forget all those extra numbers!!! I guess it wasnt so bad ......I had a pink, pig, pricess party at work ....and then a pink, princess party at home! It was a pink wonderland ~ so maybe ....just maybe... I will do it again next year!!! Ha - still only going to be 29 thou!!!

The Prince .....well what can I say.....he is the same, still hasn't written his novel  ............nor anything else! Hell - I could fill up 3 friggen novels just from the past several weeks!!! PC ended up with lice -  ( i know , I know...start scratching your head now - makes me itchy just thinking about it) which as you can image with his many "issues" .....it tripled the normal effect of "OMG- lice" to about 100 times worse then you can ever even begin to image........ this happened a week before Thanksgiving Break - then  his pop pop came over with some trusty scissors and did some fancy Edward Scissorhands on him .........and well he HATES his haircut and  is never going back to school (or anywhere else)  ...until it grows back!! Really he hates it because you can actually see he has a face underneath all that hair!!! Oh joy...... now I get to see the perpetual scowl on his face ...so clear now ~ before I was just guessing what he looked like!!

Thanksgiving was a disaster - 10 minutes before we were to leave to go to dinner ...PC had a complete meltdown ...and wouldn't go .....WTF??? Needless to say ..............none of us went - I dropped off what I was assigned to bring to dinner - no sense ruining everyone holiday ...and then I came home and had a bag of Apple Chips............nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" than a bag of yummy Apple Chips right? Oh well....its got to be better for my waist line (which is rapidly growing) then a turkey dinner with all the trimmings right?

So here we are ... school starts back up again tomorrow ...and with the mere mention of those horrible words ............. "School Tomorrow" and we have had another meltdown!!! FTLOG ~ when will this ever end??!!! The hubster called me to pick up the Prince who was supposed to be helping renovate a house they are working on  .............but hubster  muttered those magic words ......"School" and  it caused a major malfunction ..... So off  I went to pick him up and lets just say ............I wont be winning any "Mother of the Year" awards today......... ( not like I am up for nomination or anything). We have tried to explain that if he doesn't go to school...then either "WE" will end up in jail for NOT sending him ...or he will end up there for NOT going! It doesn't seem to phase him that "we" could go to jail"(I'm sure he thinks that would be great - he could get on the computer anytime he wants and have pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner)  so as I was in the car driving ..with the Prince in the back seat not speaking to me .......I started thinking ...well would it phase him to think HE would be going to jail instead?? The things that make you hummm...

It wasn't until we were all the way downtown almost to the Police Station (yes , I seriously drove there) that the Prince spoke ..."Where are we going?" I choose to take a play out of his own playbook and not answer and he asked again only louder ... finally as we rounded the corner and there it was The Police Station - I looked up and in the mirror (and very calmly I might add) I  said "Well I am skipping this step for tomorrow......I am bringing you to the police ...so they don't have to come to the house and arrest you for refusing to go to school tomorrow morning" (I mean really .....after all...... what would the neighbors say if the cops showed up?) 

Did it affect him? I won't really know until tomorrow morning comes .when its time to poke the bear and get him up and ready ......... but he looked up at the looming station and said "No, please, just take me home, I am going to school tomorrow, I am, Please just go home"! I know ... I know... just breathe.... this too shall pass........ he will out grow it.....and blah, blah, blah .....