My Square Peg

The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting things to change. That's what we have been doing ...... and it doesn't work.

I have a friend who encourages me to always write it down story's, my tales, my quirky thoughts and opinions, she believes I could be the next Erma Bombeck, a writer from the 60's who wrote columns and books chronicling the ordinary life of a  suburban housewife using her humor to tell her tales! Now that right there would so be my dream job- right up there with sitting in my yoga pants, armed with my glue gun and crafting while sipping margaritas and petting the pups! Or professional shoe shopper .....

I have haven't been writing it down lately, because when you write it down it becomes real, and like that famous quote from "A Few Good Men" ..." You want the Truth? You cant handle the truth" - yep that's me, I cant handle the truth, the truth is I have been trying to jam a square peg in a round hole for years. I have dug my heels in so deep and fought tooth and nail, that this is the way things are ... because that's the way things need to be, because that's the normal thing to do. So what happens when that square peg just won't fit, no matter which way you turn it, no matter how bad you want it to glide right in to that round hole........ that shit just doesn't fit!
The past few months have been a real challenge with our Prince Charming, he has been struggling for so long with being uncomfortable in his own skin, having such anxiety being at school that he would just sit in the front office and not go to class, and he just shut down. It was like watching a volcano erupt and sadly we didn't know what to do but sit there and watch and wonder what we should do and how we could fix it. I've cried morning, noon and night over what did I do so wrong? What do I do to fix it and make him happy??
 I have an amazing support group of family and friends some who totally understand those struggles as they live them to some degree and some who just lead an ear to listen and offer their love and support. I have a friend who gives me a hug and says "Oh Pep...Oh Pep" when she sees that I am having that kind of day that makes it tough to breathe (which has been a lot lately) The comfort I get  in those 4 little words is overwhelming,(even thou I am at boob height to her which can be awkward - Ha ) because she sounds just like my Aunt Doll, who we all miss so much! She would use that phase so often when I was telling her of our adventures as she would laugh and shake her head.

So all those times I said ..."Over my dead body, When hell freezes over" and "Absolutely Not" have come to an abrupt halt. Here I am waving my white flag and surrendering -  hell must be frosty because I ended up withdrawing PC from school and enrolling him into the Home School program (God help us) , which in 10 days after we get the approval will be Virtual Homeschool.
  • Do I think that this will solve all the problems and issues we have with the gem? Nope - but I am trusting that my mothering instinct told me to do this for a reason
  • Do I think that it will be easy? Hell No - I am scared to death at what this will be like
  • Do I think this is the best option for my square peg in this round world? Well it damn sure is worth a  try - what do I have to lose
Did I wake up this morning and take a deep breath and say WTF have I done? You bet your sweet ass I did.  BUT I also noticed a difference in Prince Charming's attitude, like the weight of the world had been lifted. He even had the hair out of face which is a miracle all on its own, I could actually see those big beautiful brown eyes with those long gorgeous eye lashes and best of all he had a smile in his face - those are things we haven't seen in a while.
Do I think that this was the miracle I have been praying for?  No - I know we will have our ups and downs like we always do. 

 But for today ~ I think I will just raise my hands up in the air and enjoy the ride!

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