"Howdy" On Steroids.....

While I was at the gym yesterday I had a brilliant thought and decided to sign up for my "FREE" personal training session at the gym! FREE is GOOD! So I enter and met "Justin" hunky trainer....not my tattoo covered "boyfriend" personal trainer from NC, but semi- hunky. Not really my cup of tea especially after the "torture session" I endured! I consider myself pretty fit, I go to the gym regularly and according to him....I'm not in very good shape ( hidden meaning will be revealed in a moment! ) . He wasn't making this any harder then he would for anyone of them....as he points to the 300 pound man huffing next to me on the treadmill....YEA my ass you aren't buddy! So I keep going knowing that by the time I am done I will be lucky to walk much less more my arms! We work out ...rather I workout as he pops his gum( something my mother DESPISES and now I know why) , checks himself out in the mirror, barks out give me 20 more squats....WTF is he thinking! I think I may see devil horns starting to appear! As a good little soldier I move on, following his commands as he keeps saying "I thought you work out? You must not push yourself. You are in need of a trainer full time!" really it's begining to sound like a brainwashing lecture more so then a training session! There goes my ego!
Finally the hour is up! Whooo WHO! So we go and sit at the table that he had me reveal my demons at ....what's your weight, height, what do you hate most about your body, how much do you want to lose, has me hold on to this little device that looks like a steering wheel an it tells me how much BODY FAT I have! Really like I can't just look in the mirror and see my muffin top over my jeans now I have to hold on to a steering wheel to tell me my body fat?
Fan-Tab-U- Lous another notch down on the ego!
So he jots down our "PLAN" the one he recommends is for 12 months training for 4 times a week.....for only $400.00 a MONTH! Seriously you think I need to train 4 times a week with your gum chewing , gum popping , mirror checken out ass! Oh but WAIT....if I can't do that due to time and all they have 3 times a week for 360.00 a month, 2 times a week for $300.00 yada yada yada! "So Pepper which plan works for you?" UMMMM NONE I'm jobless and your F^%$ING CRAZY! Which I mentally added no need to be nasty! The funny thing was now my hunky personal trainer had a cockeyed look of disbelief ( and is starting to look like a Howdy Dowdy on steroids) that I wasn't going to have an extra car payment in return I'd get a killer bum and abs? First born yeah....I may hand over Prince Charming ...but he'd be returned I am sure in a few hours! So I told "Howdy" that yeah I was here for the free session to get some new ideas .....and I'll think about training again when I am ...um gainfully employed! He still looked a tad annoyed so I stood and said Thanks and limped my way out to the car....remember squats...can hardly walk!

So home bound with my ego on a low...I came home and told the hubby that I know now HOW the gym that only charges 10.00 a month stays in business.......$400.00 a month for personal training! I whined to hubby about "how UNFIT I know was" I thought I was gonna die, how could someone who works out almost 5 times a week not be able to do that torture session......insert some more whining here......

As always the hubby had some in site to add since of course he thinks I'm perfect JUST the way I am...muffin top and all....(at least he better...he will now after reading this! ) He just looked at me and said" Personal Trainers are used Car Sales Men in SPANDEX! " Ahhhh now I feel better bring on the Oreos!

1 comment:

  1. WHY would you even listen to ANYONE chewing gum???? MOM