JUST ONE

In the early years of Prince Charming everyone always had a comment and the age old question of ......."Oh......when will you have another" or "Oh…. he needs a brother or sister to play with - he can’t be an only child" (almost like it is a disease).  My usual responses were to the point and very matter of fact....some examples:

1. "NEVER- are you crazy have you met this child- one is more than enough for me"

2. "I was an only child...and look how perfect I turned out! Why spoil it by adding another in the mix? "

3."HA- you couldn't pay me to have another!”

4." And who would be paying for this addition? Should I send the bills to you?"

Other examples contained extremely colorful sentence enhancers especially if “we” (me and the gem) had a rough day - which was known to happen on occasion!

I am sure I have many more, because in 12 years it has been asked more than a zillion times!!! Usually I toss in a reason or two as why PC is more than enough....like the time I got up to make a bottle and came back to our living room and the 7 month old baby was gone... as in missing... as in I turned my back for not even 60 seconds to go 2 feet away while he played with his toys on the floor. Yepper he was gone in a flash! I could hear giggling and a clinking noise as I frantically searched the tiny living room for my tiny human ....I turned around to see that my sweet angle (bahahaha) had OPENED  the CHILDPROOF lock on the gate that surrounded the fireplace and he SHUT it behind him, as he took the broom and was swinging it above his head... as he sat in the fireplace giggling.... covered in soot!! Yes there was my messy bundle of joy ... in the fireplace...and you think I should have an accomplice for him to play with?? WTF are you thinking???

Or how about the fact that he was walking at 9 months old so by the time he was a year old he was more like a 3 year old and jumping off the tops of the jungle gym, racing around the other “non-walkers” and grabbing their “corks”! And by “corks” I mean their pacifiers!!! He thought the sound that those wee ones would make was hysterical because he would race by them, grab that cork and pull and off he would go while the siren (or screaming child) would go off! Yes, I was quite a popular mom at the playground that’s for sure! How about the time we got kicked out of “Story Time” at the public library, seriously?? Who bands a child who is not even a year old from attending story time?? Don’t you want him to grow up and be an avid reader??  Apparently the evil librarian who told me “If you cannot control your child, you cannot attend story time!”.  Really the problem was PC would run up to knock on the castle door to see the puppets come out instead of the bitter old hag (aka evil librarian)! Who can blame him?

How about this one… First ER visit.....

where he was limping after falling outside on the steps, after nap time he wouldn’t stand and would cry and hold his leg up and not step down on it. MY B-I-L  stopped by and inspected the injury and decided we should go to the ER. Frantic first time mom, heading to the ER with maybe a broken leg? Sprained leg? Oh how could this be happening?? He’s not even one year old yet!! I’ve been in charge of this tiny human for less than a year and he may have broke his leg on my watch?? OMG –  So in we go into the ER , and he is still favoring the other leg, won’t put his leg down, won’t stand, won’t walk …oh it must be broken right?? We finally get called into the back , as I explain to the doc what is wrong, they tell me to strip him down to his diaper so they can check his legs, hips for movement. So we do…..then they tell me to set him down, my B-I-L starts to have a fit, saying we can’t set him down because he hurt his leg and can’t put any weight on it… they tell us again to put him down they need to see him stand… we do and that’s when a miracle happened… this little gem of mine was magically cured…. After hours of worrying and pacing the floors and fretting what a bad mom I was for letting this happen, how could I let him fall and possibly break his leg………..… yes folks -  it was a ER miracle as that little rat bastard  oh I mean that little gem took off full speed and RAN OUT OF THE ER ROOM while he was LAUGHING and looking over his shoulder!!! What the hell just happened??? I had to take off after him as he flew down the hallway of the hospital!!! So... I guess that means it's not broken eh doc???

And this was all before the toddler years hit ~ that would be a series of novels if I started on those adventures !! So yea it is safe to safe that  PC pretty much sealed his faith as an only child before he had even celebrated his 1^st birthday!  

But here I am with my new baby………. Jack and it has become clear that “Puppies are very much like Babies”

1. They are cuter when they are someone else’s (well I dunno Jack is pretty friggen cute). Really have you ever seen an ugly puppy ( I have laid my eyes on some homely babies but never an ugly puppy)
2. They sleep most of the day and the rest of the day and expect your undivided attention the rest of THEIR waking HOURS.. ….which BTW are NOT the same as MY waking hours
3. They require as much “stuff” as a baby does…… bedding, crates, toys, teething toys, chew toys, bones, food, balls OMG how much stuff does one puppy need??  AND they have entire stores for just puppy/ dog stuff – just like a baby!!! And just like when you have a baby you are always on the lookout for a puppy toy!! I may need to look into bring him to the pediatrician office – it has to be cheaper that the Vet!
4. Everything goes straight to their MOUTH!! Our current delicacy  is dead dried up crunchy worms….OMG how many of these friggen things can I pull out of his mouth on our morning walks??  I’m up to about 6 a day ….EWWW …..I guess they are like potato chips… just cant have one!
5. They need constant supervision or they are digging under the fence or sticking their tongue in the light socket or maybe challenging the cat to a death match by bark!!!
6. They are cute when they sleep… both puppies and babies … (even the homely ones).

Yep  I was very matter of fact with my NO WAY…NO HOW …NOT GONNA HAPPEN… and here I am 12 years later doing it all over again …….or so it seems!!!! Off to Puppy Training …hum they didn’t have Baby training when the gem was young…maybe that’s where I went wrong!!!