BMI Chart - Suck It

Do you ever stop and think WHY am I doing this? Like for example …….. Why am I folding my bra and panties as I strip down to my birthday suit and WHY am I now hiding them under my pants and shirt on top of  the chair! Yep - you guessed it, it’s that time of year and I’m at the doctors for my annual “hoo hah” exam and I’m hiding my bra and panties ……why? I mean really the doc is going to be up close and personal with the “hoo –hah” and but no …….she can’t see my unmentionables? I put on my fashionable gown which of course has to go forward facing, because well, she also has to feel up or as they say …..inspect the girls. So there I sit in my most vulnerable state, naked as a jaybird but now wearing a lovely “front facing” plaid gown, which totally clashes with my red beaded necklace and I wait for that knock at the door ……….

Knock ……Enter stage left – the door opens and in walks my doctor. She complements how great my hair looks and how she loves the style it’s cut in – Oh how sweet I think (and I must agree my I was having a good hair day) ……and then she goes in for the kill. She flips a piece of paper over and shows me my weight chart the past few years to let me know I am now in the obese rage according to my height and weight WTF? Am I being punked??  My heart stops, and it takes everything I have in me not to start screaming obscenities at her, and I feel the latch on the flood gates start to pry open, as if I don’t know that I have gained weight over the past few years WTF??

The doc keeps waving the chart around to tell me that I need to exercise more and eat less and stop drinking sodas. Ummm okay wait lets back the bus up (right over her fat head) I do work out, plus we walk the furkids almost every night (and hasn’t she heard I am the FitBit Step Nazi) I don’t eat THAT much and I don’t even drink sodas!!! As she continues to wave this lovely graph in my face she said I was at a good weight in 2013 – I need to do whatever I was doing back then because what I’m doing now clearly isn’t working. I looked at her and said I was taking diet pills that you yelled at me for taking and you told me NOT to take because they could kill me! Humm should I go back to those because clearly I was doing it right back then!! You just said so yourself!! Well that put a stop to her waving the chart in my face, now she has placed it on my purse, like it’s my fucking prize for coming to the doctors!

We finish my exam of the nether regions at least that gets a glowing review, she tells me to cut out this and that and up my cardio to try to lose some of this weight……………yeah thanks doc go ruin some other poor saps soul – but hey at least I’m having a good hair day.

My (soon to be former) doctor knows my medical history, I have seen her for over 20 + years, she knows I have struggled with bulimia and body dysmorphia since I was in about the 7th grade all the way until I was pregnant at 27 with the Prince! I think being pregnant helped me see the light - I cant say it cured me of being bulimic because you never really are cured from an eating disorder, but it did make me wonder WTF I was doing, because when I was pregnant, every morning, noon and night my feet hit the floor I was throwing up! I know gross - but that's when it hit me......I did this on purpose!!! For how long??? OMG - I really am crazy! I've relapsed more times then I care to  admit over the years, but I was finally at a point where I accepted the changes my body has made - NO  I don't always agree with my body - but I will say "the girls" are still perky and fabulous and I can still rock that hourglass shape ....its just I've added bigger curves - and that's ok (well most days).  I no longer focus on the numbers of the scale (or at least try not to), the hubs has drilled into my head that its not the numbers on the scale but the way you feel, the way your clothes feel and yada yada yada , and I feel pretty good - yeah I'd like to be thinner but who wouldn't - I no longer let it control my life ....I finally felt in control! Its taken us being together for 20 years to finally let that be what I repeat in my head instead of focusing on the numbers of the scale which I usually don't even get on.  For the record .....I've never been "allowed" to own a scale until  about 5 years ago was when we finally got one! I was to obsessive (yes me shocker I know)  and let it totally control what or if I ate for the day! It was a viscous cycle, so not owning a scale was a better option for me and my mental well being. 


Needless to say this single comment has put me in a total tail spin, for the rest of the day, week, month probably the next year until I have to go back to her...... well wait ......I think I'll be looking for a new doctor , maybe one with a better bedside manner!!!  And the doctor can take her BMI Chart and shove it right up her ................
well you know!