Let it go

There comes a time in your life when you just have to step back, take a good look at things and just let go. Let go of your expectations of what life  should be like, let go of that need to meet everyone’s approvals and their demands, and their expectations of you and what they think you should be doing. It’s hard, it’s  scary and it doesn’t come naturally to just let go of that control, of what you think you know, what you think your life should be like and what others think of you. The what if’s, the shoulda, coulda, woulda all come flooding in at a rapid speed, you second guess every decision you’ve made in life, but if you can just let it go, and take it one day at a time, one minute at a time, one moment at a time, things will change, you get a new window to peer out of that has a different view and the tunnel looks a little brighter.

11 months ago, I made (we made) a huge decision, that not everyone agreed with, but we did it anyways, because you know what, we let it go. We stopped second guessing our choices, we let go of that preconceived notation that all kids are meant to be in a classroom, and made a bold choice to withdraw the Prince from school after he turned 16. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made, was I doing the right thing? How would I know, I had tried public, private, charter, online and homeschool, this seemed to be my last option, but how would I know if this is the right choice. I had to just let it go, and stop worrying what others would/ did say, because you know what .....they don’t live in my shoes, they didn’t see the daily struggles to get through the day, they just knew what they “thought” our lives “should” be like. That decision I struggled with everyday, I stopped writing because I thought all I’m doing is documenting my failures as a parent, and figured I had enough reminders, and it would help justify the “judgy-mc-judgers” out there that they were right.
 I spent the summer convincing the Prince that he would be taking GED classes in the evening starting in September, I worked with the teacher and arranged for him to come during office hours to take the pretest,  which he passed with flying colors for reading, science and social studies. As for math he was 6 points away from passing, it’s not a subject he’s at all interested in, and therefore he didn’t put a lot of effort in it! Two nights a week he went to the college to work on math with a family friend who also signed up with the Prince and in January the teacher said he had passing scores to begin testing. On Feb. 1st I told the Prince he had 4 test, I was giving him 4 weeks, and he would be graduated by March 1st. End of story, we’d have this past us and look forward to the next chapter. 

I’m so proud to say that he took the challenge, he took one test a week for that 4 weeks that he picked himself the subject and signed up on his own each week.He now has his high school diaploma at 16, as of February 27th. While they forgot to add mine and the hubsters name to his diapolma, I can tell you when he sent me the picture of his diploma  after his last test, I finally felt the weight lift off my shoulders, the tunnel opened up and I knew I had finally got something in this parenting gig right! While we took a different path then most, he still ended up at the same destination, just a year AHEAD of time!

I know it’s a natural response that everyone is like “what’s next”? And I have to remind them that he’s only 16, we have time to sort this out, after all what were you doing at 16? You were in high school as a sophomore or junior, right ? So just let us celebrate this win. We deserve it, it’s been a daily struggle for years with school, I just want to soak it in. The Prince is happier than he has been in years, the weight of the stress with school is off his shoulders for now. It doesn’t mean he will never go back, it means he will choose his path, it will be a side road leading to his own journey. No one can choose it for him, should he want to go to college or a trade school or be an inventor, a chef or a rock polisher ......we will be there to help lead him, but in the end he is a strong willed young man,
who will need to make that choice on his own and follow where that dirt road leads him.

I spent the last 11 months letting go of what others thought of our choices, stopped explaining myself to “judgy-mc- judgers” because it really doesn’t matter what they say or think. I know that we did what’s right by our son, and no one can ever tell me differently and that alone helps me sleep at night. I know one day the Prince will look back and know we did the best we could and he was loved and understood in a difficult period of his life. I hope he realizes this prior to putting me and hubster in the old folks home!

But as a sneak peek into what’s next.....so that you don’t have the risk of my tossing a throat punch your way .......when everyone says “well now what”? The Prince wants to get his restricted drivers license......he’s interested in finding a job, of course it’s a job that doesn’t involve people....so that’s a bit tough to find....after a career assessment he found he could be a rock polisher ......Didn’t even know that’s such a thing......

And a thank you to Meme for telling me to update my blog! It’s been a long time coming!