Visit to the PoPo

November has been nothing short of a whirlwind of emotions! Parties for the bossman who is now officially retired, which I still thinks sucks, but I guess after you put in 33 years..... you deserve to relax. Still sucks! And after all that celebrating ......somehow my 29+10+1 birthday sneaked up on me!!! Math is so over rated.....so next year I am back to being just 29....forget all those extra numbers!!! I guess it wasnt so bad ......I had a pink, pig, pricess party at work ....and then a pink, princess party at home! It was a pink wonderland ~ so maybe ....just maybe... I will do it again next year!!! Ha - still only going to be 29 thou!!!

The Prince .....well what can I say.....he is the same, still hasn't written his novel  ............nor anything else! Hell - I could fill up 3 friggen novels just from the past several weeks!!! PC ended up with lice -  ( i know , I know...start scratching your head now - makes me itchy just thinking about it) which as you can image with his many "issues" .....it tripled the normal effect of "OMG- lice" to about 100 times worse then you can ever even begin to image........ this happened a week before Thanksgiving Break - then  his pop pop came over with some trusty scissors and did some fancy Edward Scissorhands on him .........and well he HATES his haircut and  is never going back to school (or anywhere else)  ...until it grows back!! Really he hates it because you can actually see he has a face underneath all that hair!!! Oh joy...... now I get to see the perpetual scowl on his face ...so clear now ~ before I was just guessing what he looked like!!

Thanksgiving was a disaster - 10 minutes before we were to leave to go to dinner ...PC had a complete meltdown ...and wouldn't go .....WTF??? Needless to say ..............none of us went - I dropped off what I was assigned to bring to dinner - no sense ruining everyone holiday ...and then I came home and had a bag of Apple Chips............nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" than a bag of yummy Apple Chips right? Oh well....its got to be better for my waist line (which is rapidly growing) then a turkey dinner with all the trimmings right?

So here we are ... school starts back up again tomorrow ...and with the mere mention of those horrible words ............. "School Tomorrow" and we have had another meltdown!!! FTLOG ~ when will this ever end??!!! The hubster called me to pick up the Prince who was supposed to be helping renovate a house they are working on  .............but hubster  muttered those magic words ......"School" and  it caused a major malfunction ..... So off  I went to pick him up and lets just say ............I wont be winning any "Mother of the Year" awards today......... ( not like I am up for nomination or anything). We have tried to explain that if he doesn't go to school...then either "WE" will end up in jail for NOT sending him ...or he will end up there for NOT going! It doesn't seem to phase him that "we" could go to jail"(I'm sure he thinks that would be great - he could get on the computer anytime he wants and have pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner)  so as I was in the car driving ..with the Prince in the back seat not speaking to me .......I started thinking ...well would it phase him to think HE would be going to jail instead?? The things that make you hummm...

It wasn't until we were all the way downtown almost to the Police Station (yes , I seriously drove there) that the Prince spoke ..."Where are we going?" I choose to take a play out of his own playbook and not answer and he asked again only louder ... finally as we rounded the corner and there it was The Police Station - I looked up and in the mirror (and very calmly I might add) I  said "Well I am skipping this step for tomorrow......I am bringing you to the police ...so they don't have to come to the house and arrest you for refusing to go to school tomorrow morning" (I mean really .....after all...... what would the neighbors say if the cops showed up?) 

Did it affect him? I won't really know until tomorrow morning comes .when its time to poke the bear and get him up and ready ......... but he looked up at the looming station and said "No, please, just take me home, I am going to school tomorrow, I am, Please just go home"! I know ... I know... just breathe.... this too shall pass........ he will out grow it.....and blah, blah, blah .....

19,994 more words to go ......

Don't they say we write our own chapter in life? Ha - I beg to differ I would be writing about unicorns, glitter and puppies dog tails ..... And not this horror story of the teenage years (in my case ...its been much longer then teen years)!!!! I'd like to say it's the age, that these teenagers suck the life right outta ya.....but I think it might just be my bundle of joy!!

Clearly I didn't get this parenting job right - maybe they should have asked for references before they handed me that blue bundle of joy  - before they said " here take him home - he's yours to keep and to screw up" and I am pretty a sure he is to old to drop off at the fire station ~ and he knows his way home!!

I had my first teacher conference the other day ...... nothing like sitting in a room of teachers, who are looking at you for  answers on how to make your child respond, listen to them...and get his work done..... Um hello..... That's why I am here!!! I am the one seeking advice - so nope .....I got nada for you!!!! After surviving the 1st week of school ,the battle became daily over homework, which the Prince rarely does any, when he decides to do it, he does it half ass - and forgets to turn it in, or the hubs sits and gets it done ( he is way more patient then I am for that)!!! OMG how I hate homework!!! And I have openly admitted to the teachers, I have no idea how to do some of it ( like the math) without sitting down and learning Algebra all over again......Seriously.....When have I ever used it????NEVER that's when!!! Obviously I am not smarter then an 8th grader!!!

 I voiced my concern that he "we"  would have to repeat 8th grade again because he isn't doing his work or making the grades...and I quote from the principal ......" Oh there's no danger there, his assessment scores are way to high, even if he never did another ounce of work the rest of the year, he would be promoted". WTH??? I blurted out " Well don't tell him that"!!!! So here I am contemplating that statement .....should I just stop fretting all together over homework and let him figure this out all on his own??? Stop letting homework issues become ground zero at our house??? It would certainly make evenings more pleasant at our house, if we were not in a constant battle over it!
 

Ughhhh what a tangle web we weave as parents!!! Why isn't there a handbook for these difficult creatures!! I know .... I know.... There are a. million books out there .... But I need one that is specific to my Prince Charming....and let me tell you...there isn't one!!!! And obviously I would be writing the "What NOT To Do " version of it!

Oh and talk about writing ....apparently PC is suppose to be writing a novel, yep writing a novel, for this class project .... They have been "supposed" to be working on it all week at school ...(he has been THINKING ....and NOT writing)  want to know how many words he needs to have by tomorrow (according to him) 20,000 .............how many does he have .....6 ....(and they aren't really the words for his novel but names and location) ...... hummm if my math is correct on this one he needs 19,994 more words!!! OMG ~ guess what he's doing ....."He's THINKING" .....THINKING of what to write!!! WTH??? Stop thinking and start writing!!! (Insert screaming mother here) ...............

WE MADE IT

OMG - we have survived one whole week!! Can you believe it! We survived an entire week of school without Crazy Mama here being featured on the evening news!! Hallelujah - it must have been that small chapel fire that Mama Pepper started by lighting the candles in the chapel at the hospital!  Lets have a total recap here of week one.  

 

Day 1 - After several text to "Come Get Me, I want to come home, I want to do virtual school….yada yada yada," had all been ignored PC resorted to calling, calling,…..And calling after the 4th call, then the school called! OMG and this is day 1?? Are you kidding me?? So  I met the director in the office at school and became the hysterical mother, I so don’t want to be,  BUT COME ON!!! First friggen day??? Are you kidding- she was so super sweet and told me to bring him everyday - and we will try this everyday!!! Since he was in the lunch room and didn’t realize I was there at school, I left him there!! I didn’t get anymore calls until 2:46pm …...since school gets out at 2:45pm and obviously I was now LATE picking him up…… 

Ahhhhh yes, Day 1 ended with a few double tall mango margaritas……..for me...because OMG I so needed them!!!

 

Day 2 - This mama awoke with a ranging headache- was it the thought of facing yet another day of school or the thought of poking the bear to wake up and get ready for school?? I think so ….I am sure it had nothing to do with the double tall mango margaritas that I sucked down the night before....nothing at all.... 

So no calls and no text messages…… that could be that PC's phone was ...um not really charged … ..you know that charger somehow was not fully pushed in …(wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Well at the end of the day the hubster called to tell me he has picked up the wrong child…… this alien child got on the phone to let me know that "Apparently I like it" ….Likes what?? " Um,... School ...I like school".   

 

OMG- whoever this child is that you picked up ….Lets keep him!!!  

 

Day 3 - Hubster called me to say that PC has called and wasn’t feeling well…….WTH?? What?? Already it's only day 3?? I told hubster -don’t answer the phone ...and leave him at school, he will be fine! Yep, I put my foot down - we cant be picking him up on the 3rd day of school early!!! 

 

He went home at 1pm …… ughhhhhh killen me....... 

 

Day 4 - Ahhh yes, we are almost there 4 days down and 177 more to go.  Apparently, rolling down the window and yelling "BYE - have a great day" with a giant smile on your face, can be hazardous to your health ...and possibly can get you killed….with looks… LMAO-  yes, it was so worth it ...pretty sure his head almost spun around!!! HAHAHAHAHA - now that was fun!!  Day 4 was also good, with the exception that he'd like to "hit some girl in the face" ...ahhh if she is that annoying she must like him.........- because she was being a "B - word"  - Yep confirms it -  that means she likes you ….  

 

Day 5 - OMG - we made it a full week!!  176 more days left of school , only 35 weeks left this year!!! And I have discovered how you get your child out of the car and running into the school with utter excitement and joy! Ok - not really …...but I did get him to flee the car rather quickly by telling him I was going to jump out of the car and start taking "selfies' while belting out some tunes that were playing in the car!!!  

 

And the final conformation that this was a successful week  ....was a text from the Director saying "Happy Friday" with a picture of PC in class, participating and everything!!! Yep - I'd know the back of that head...and hair anywhere!! 

 

Hallelujah ~I cant wait to this again next week!!! Oh wait ... that must be the margaritas speaking!!!  After all it is Friday!!!

 

 

A Nightmare in the Making

The drumming of the fingernails on the table, clenched fist pounding against the thigh , the tear swelling eyes, the consist "Can we go" plea through clenched teeth and then the gush of tears as we head back to the car. Yep that is how "Meet the teacher went" on Friday. And have I mentioned that school actually starts on Monday?? Lets just say at home it didn't get any better, PC lost his door due to slamming it, lost computer privileges ...yet again. The anxiety and shear panic of starting school on Monday, has created complete and absolute chaos for our household (not that its always smooth sailing) , what do you do as a parent, when you have a child pleading, begging, sobbing, arguing with you to please let them do virtual school? The thing you said would be "Over my dead body", do you rethink that option? Do you drag that child to the school, and make him suck it up, because this is the way it is? I'd like to say "YES - that's what you do, because you are the parents" but in reality, I don't think I can make him go to school. How the hell would I get him up, dressed , ready , and in the car? Then get him out of the car, into the classroom and tell him to have a good day? Do I really want to subject the teachers to this torture - I mean he wouldn't even speak to them - not even a hello!!! WTF??  I am sure they are uber excited to have him in class this year! Do I drag the sheriff  here and say , can you make him go to school? Do you think he will come all 180 days of school? I doubt it, and I don't think that we as a family would survive the next 180 days of school  without one of the following happening.....

1.  Me being in jail for attempted murder (or worse)
2. Getting divorced
3. Running away and assuming another identity (hey that option doesn't look so bad)
4. Dropping child off at the fire station and running the other way

None of those options I think are in my favor, with the exception of # 3 & maybe 4 if done in a remote location and he didn't remember our address.

So now what?? I have no freaking idea!! Do I struggle daily with the "What did I do wrong? Why is he like this? WHY? WHY? WHY? Why is he an ass? Why cant he just be a happy, normal , functioning human being, like everyone else seems to be??? Why me? Why us? How does one child have so much control?  WHY???? WTF???  YEP - you bet your sweet ass I struggle with that internal battle every freaking day!! Some days it's easier then others, right now it's a friggen nightmare - as school starts in less than 24 hours!! We've spent $100 in school supplies ( BTW have already been delivered to the school) , not to mention the other $150 in uniforms.......(which BTW he wouldn't go shopping to try the friggen shorts on ....so I went and got 2 different sizes, came home, made him try them on LAST SUNDAY ....and went and bought the size he told me that fit ....took the other pair back ...oh and guess what?? Yep that's right ... when he put them on Friday ... they didn't fit, they aren't comfortable!!!WTF?? Are you kidding me??? Then he tells me I didn't buy the ones he tried on at the house!!!! OMG- shoot me now!!! ) So I say again now what??

We have told him he has to go to school tomorrow, that we are looking into virtual school - I've showed him the "Enrollment is closed notice on the website" and the email from the Virtual Director that it will open again on Aug. 25th and that they MUST be attending the school they are assigned" and of course he has to argue the fact that ....."If enrollment is closed WHY are they still showing commercials for the virtual school" OMG  I don't F-ing know - sooooo I shut the TV off ....then he had to watch me send an email back asking if there was anyway to get in before the 25th. He has also been told that IF he does virtual school he has to pick 2 outside extra activities that involve being around people!!! How can a 13 year old be so anti social??? SERIOUSLY???? WTH????

Parenting the worlds most difficult child has taught me one thing......NEVER, EVER say "Oh I will never do this or that"!  Because it comes back to bite you in the ass every friggen time...........they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?? Right about now I should be she-woman!

Lets all take a moment of silence and pray ......"Dear God, please don't let Pepper be featured on the 6'Oclock news" Amen....

Its Offical TSA Has My Picture .....

Is it the red hair and freckles? Is what what makes me look suspicious??? Clearly I must look suspicious, because I was frisked yet again in airport security!!! At least this time, they didn't have me remove any of my clothing, like my flight from Texas! No instead I was felt up by the female security guard, while the male stood there with his stupid grin as he nodded his head. But no one has felt up the guy I am getting my contact buzz from! Come up!!! He's a walking "pot" stack!! Stepping on the tram, the overwhelming smell of pot filled the car, ( not that's know what that smells like)  like a shake my head and say WHAT smell!! Obviously I thought it must be my imagination as I glanced around for the stoner, hummmm he looks like he could be the one. But I'm not judging after all it is 4:30am....we all are glossy eyed at this point!!!

As I plop down in my seat on the plane, there it is again..... That lingering odor ..... And oh ...look I am so shocked.... It's the man from the tram!!! Either he has on some strong, pot-smelling cologne .....or he smoked it up to calm his nerves before he had to fly, or maybe it's for medical purposes, or he's from a state that has legalized it .....what ever it is he did..... I am pretty sure the whole friggen plane now has a contact buzz!!!! Ummmm, excuse me ......can I get my bag of peanuts now? I'm getting the munchies......

So just some random thought here ......while I am crammed like sardines in the giant metal tube .... 20,000 feet in the air.....and just came outta the restroom....

1. Have you ever wondered about the mile high club??? Seriously??? How would you go about getting busy in the bathroom??? I mean hello.... There's not enough room to squat to pee let alone have another person in there with you!!!! Maybe if you were a midget ( no offense - after all I am only 5'2 and a 1/2 on a good day )! I guess I won't ever have to worry about that  hubster hates to fly and fitting his 6' 3 self in there with me ..... Yeah we'd have better luck nailing jello to a wall then that ever happening!!!
2. Do you think the flight attendant ever says " hey dumbass - yeah you ..... the one not paying attention to my safety demonstration..... If this sucker crashes your SOL because I'm not helping you"!!
3. Have you ever noticed that on a plane, that sneezes, make people jump, maybe we (yep me included) think that somehow that sneeze that echoes through the cabin will cause the air pressure in this metal tin can explode? Or that everyone has their nose in their phone, like they are afraid to make eye contact? Like OMG - if I look at her, she might start talking to me ....well yeah ....isn't that what people still do??? Apparently not at 5am.....
4. Why do people in the aisle seat lean and look down towards the front of the plane? It's not like the pilot has his door open , so we can see out the front window.....but yet here we all are ( yep me included) leaning as he is landing the plane...like somehow we are helping the process.

So I wrote this on my trip up to Cincinnati - but didn't have a way to upload it. So you know what that means?? YEPPER - you get to read  my adventures on the return trip to......All 3 people that actually read this randomness that I spew!