Is it the red hair and freckles? Is what what makes me look suspicious??? Clearly I must look suspicious, because I was frisked yet again in airport security!!! At least this time, they didn't have me remove any of my clothing, like my flight from Texas! No instead I was felt up by the female security guard, while the male stood there with his stupid grin as he nodded his head. But no one has felt up the guy I am getting my contact buzz from! Come up!!! He's a walking "pot" stack!! Stepping on the tram, the overwhelming smell of pot filled the car, ( not that's know what that smells like) like a shake my head and say WHAT smell!! Obviously I thought it must be my imagination as I glanced around for the stoner, hummmm he looks like he could be the one. But I'm not judging after all it is 4:30am....we all are glossy eyed at this point!!! As I plop down in my seat on the plane, there it is again..... That lingering odor ..... And oh ...look I am so shocked.... It's the man from the tram!!! Either he has on some strong, pot-smelling cologne .....or he smoked it up to calm his nerves before he had to fly, or maybe it's for medical purposes, or he's from a state that has legalized it .....what ever it is he did..... I am pretty sure the whole friggen plane now has a contact buzz!!!! Ummmm, excuse me ......can I get my bag of peanuts now? I'm getting the munchies......
So just some random thought here ......while I am crammed like sardines in the giant metal tube .... 20,000 feet in the air.....and just came outta the restroom....
- Have you ever wondered about the mile high club??? Seriously??? How would you go about getting busy in the bathroom??? I mean hello.... There's not enough room to squat to pee let alone have another person in there with you!!!! Maybe if you were a midget ( no offense - after all I am only 5'2 and a 1/2 on a good day )! I guess I won't ever have to worry about that hubster hates to fly and fitting his 6' 3 self in there with me ..... Yeah we'd have better luck nailing jello to a wall then that ever happening!!!
- Do you think the flight attendant ever says " hey dumbass - yeah you ..... the one not paying attention to my safety demonstration..... If this sucker crashes your SOL because I'm not helping you"!!
- Have you ever noticed that on a plane, that sneezes, make people jump, maybe we (yep me included) think that somehow that sneeze that echoes through the cabin will cause the air pressure in this metal tin can explode? Or that everyone has their nose in their phone, like they are afraid to make eye contact? Like OMG - if I look at her, she might start talking to me ....well yeah ....isn't that what people still do??? Apparently not at 5am.....
- Why do people in the aisle seat lean and look down towards the front of the plane? It's not like the pilot has his door open , so we can see out the front window.....but yet here we all are ( yep me included) leaning as he is landing the plane...like somehow we are helping the process.
So I wrote this on my trip up to Cincinnati - but didn't have a way to upload it. So you know what that means?? YEPPER - you get to read my adventures on the return trip to......All 3 people that actually read this randomness that I spew!
Adventures of Return Trip ...Take 2 ......
- I was flagged at the airport in Cincinnati also!!! OH COME ON?? Is my friggen picture hanging up in the security station?? Swabbing my hands for explosive materials- Humm nope don't think I was playing with anything that could explode this morning .( a few items that could .........oh never mind) ... but hey swab away! Oh and that little 5 year old little girl next to me she looks fishy too, better swab her up. Good news ....didn't find any evidence of explosive materials on either of us. But they did confiscate her hair detangle that was in her little pink polka dotted backpack ....I feel your pain honey ...they took my hairspray one time....
- Next up they pulled my bag off the belt ....... and then back in it goes...HUH??? And now they have to check it .....my heart just fluttered!! Did I mention I went to Pure Romance conference and did some "product shopping for those items that make ya go .........." . Oh sorry - TMI I know...I know.....but they are for my inventory (wink , wink). and um yeah ... had to move a few things around when I got to the airport my bag was to ....heavy!!!! OMG- did I forget to remove all the B.O.B's (battery operated boyfriends) from my carry on?? OH CRAP ..... and out he pulls ......my Orange .....Sunkist ......Soda .... Whew... wiping the sweat from my brow, pretty sure that would have been an entertaining yet very embarrassing conversation right there in security!
- Back on the puddle jumper plane I go - where the awkward silence fills the mini- tin-can when they ask if we can move people around to make sure the weight of the plane is even .....
- Tin - can lands, takes a tad longer then it is supposed to as it pulls up to the gate...which we disembark right there on the run way.... and have to wait while they get our carry on luggage ...that we weren't aloud to carry on...because the plane was to small..... and my next flight departs in 20 minutes ....OMG
- Obviously airport designers / or airport management were locked in the room with the "pot-smoking" traveler from my previous flight ...... when they designed the friigen airport!!! How about you make connecting flight gates next to or at least near the friggen plane that you have assigned for my connecting flight!!! And not all the friggen way across the friggen airport. I had to bust into a sprint, failing my arms wildly, probably took a few people out as I race to catch my plane ......made it ............just as they were doing last call!!! WTH
- Ahhh finally here I am ........in my seat ..... breathing heavy....and WTH ....Seriously?? What is that smell??? Ughhh I have a stinky, rude, ass-much sitting next to me .....am I am pretty sure that he is sending out silent but deadly gas fumes... as he keeps turning in his seat and aiming his stinky ass towards me. Oh .... and just my luck ...its a full friggen plane!!!
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