Keeping The Tunnel Lit

It's true, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am an open book, you have witnessed some of my deepest joys and sorrows through my blog, I admit it,  I’m an over-sharer, true story, I tell all, some days all you have to do is ask, and I'm like a flood gate gone bad, other days, I have to wait until I have it sorted out, .......somewhat....then I can tell my story. 

There is a reason for my sharing, (I'm hoping to be swooped up by an agent for my keen writing skills ....minus the spelling and grammar)  I am not just that into myself where I think everything that happens in my life is so friggen hysterical ( some days i think I could have my own reality show), or I have the most difficult child in the entire world  and you need to know that ( well yeah - I think  I do), or I have the most adorable fur pups known to mankind ( well that's a true statement ). Mostly it’s because I feel like someone out there has got to have experienced these things before, maybe they can shed some light on things, or at least light a match so I can find my way out of the tunnel!!! 

 I don't discriminate, I write about the good, the funny,  the bad, and the ugly. I write because sometimes, that's all I can do, as Elsa would say "Let it go". And since my brain at the moment has entirely to many browsers open, that's what I need to do...."let it go", even thou it means over sharing! I'm laying here in my pjs, pinned down by 2 fur kids, on either side of me, and the cat plotting our death perched on the dresser at 1:30am (debating what he can toss off to hit me in the head)  I imagine it makes some feel better to read about the crazy struggles happening in our life, maybe it's because you can relate and feel like your not alone or maybe it's because you say to yourself ..... “Boy I’m sure glad that's it's not me"!  

As many know, this has been a long, tiring year for the hubs and I with Prince Charming we have struggled to figure out what to do when our square peg, doesn't fit in that round hole .....I've tried everything from putting him in a small charter school, withdrawing him from school, enrolling him In homeschool, virtual school, nothing has worked, and a few months ago at the doctors appointment it was suggested that he go to residential treatment center. My insides have been screaming NO since those words were uttered out loud, and my eyes remain a leaky faucet. I know what you are thinking....What? Why? He's just going through a phase, he's a teenager, sadly .....it's not a phase, the struggle is real, and we need to get our head out of the sand and face the facts, we are fighting a battle we can not do alone , he suffers from depression, anxiety, ODD,OCD and ADD. I struggle as a parent, with the what ifs? What haves?  Why me? Why us? What did we do to deserve this? It's a selfish, yet real way of thinking.

The past few months, I have worked diligently in "exhausting all efforts" to get the Prince the help he needs, of course there are several roadblocks that we have slammed into head first. In this journey I have discovered what a shitty mental health system we have, it's nearly impossible to get mental health care for children who are not (thankfully) abusing drugs,alcohol or sucidical. They don't meet the criteria, for certain programs, but hey let us know when he does!!! Seriously?? This is the world we live in,where you can't get the much needed help to prevent stuff like this from happening?? Then when you do find a program......the insurance denies coverage, because it's out of network....but I could go to its sister center located in another friggen state for $25 a day.....the location 30 mins from home, is $275 a day!!! WTF?? Are you kidding me??? That's our healthcare at its finest right there!!! Or let's put him in a drug rehab, because it's in network!!

 I'm almost certain, by the time we are done with this, I will need to be committed!!! 

After a solid month of negotiations with the local center, the insurance company, the contractors, the insurance writers and me making daily calls to admissions for this outpatient treatment center, that solely focuses on his issues at hand.....I finally received the call TODAY that they would take my insurance and he starts next Tuesday! Finally, I feel like I can breathe. That's one hurdle crossed, the next will be next Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and everyday after that ......, taking the Prince and making him participate in his wellbeing and overcoming his issues. We have had long talks, that if this doesn't work, if he doesn't TRY then he will be in a residential center and no he will not like those options ........ok I have talked long, he grunts at me. I think he gets it, I hope he gets it, I pray he gets it. 

We had a good week, a better week than we have had in a long time, he got over and helped Mama Pepper a few days, he went out a few times with the hubs.....in public .....in the daytime....did I mention .....in public........around real humans! That's huge!!! So it gives me hope, that he is willing to try and he will beat this! We will beat this! 

I hope that someday the Prince will realize and appreciate  the great lengths and efforts that we have gone through to try and do what's best for him, I hope it is BEFORE he is picking out my bed in a nursing home..... 

But for today I have hope that maybe just maybe, my match will stay lit a little while longer ......as I stumble down that long tunnel. .