Following The Rainbow Home

Its been a long time since I actually prayed, I mean dug deep into my soul and reached out for that guidance and gave it my all to get a connection to the big guy in the sky. Its sad but true, I stopped praying when our prayers weren't answered and we lost both Aunt Doll and Papa within 2 months of each other. Maybe I was holding a grudge for taking them so close together, that I just stopped making that call. Whenever I have lost a loved one, I have always seen a rainbow, within minutes of receiving word that they had left this earth, I would look up and there would be that rainbow. That rainbow that gave my heart a flutter and for a moment the sadness would disappear, because that was their calling card to me, to say its okay.

Over the past few weeks I have seen many rainbows, maybe its from the countless days of rain we have experienced, or maybe its my guardian angels on the other side, trying to show me the way. Its been an exhausting summer, the mornings were long and rough with our daily trips to the therapy center, but I can honestly say that it was worth every leaky eye moment and countless F-bombs I had to text to get where we are today! The change has been amazing, I am in awe everyday seeing more and more progress and even family and friends who didn't realize it was as bad as it was, now finally see the light because they have seen such a drastic change as well.

Last Monday, was the first day of school, the Prince was very nervous, especially Sunday night, you could see the anxiety building throughout the weekend, but by Sunday I thought he was going to explode. This isn't your typical "1st day jitters" this was a " holy shit I am going back to school, I cant do it mountain of anxiety" . I'm not sure I slept Sunday nor did the Prince, once my alarm went off I sat up on the side of my bed and noticed there was a rainbow, shining off the sliding glass doors from the light in the bathroom, it made my heart flutter. Sitting on the edge of the bed for the first time in a long time .....I prayed .........I prayed for the Prince to make it through the day, to make this be it, make this be the right path for him to follow, to make all that we went through worth it, I prayed for light to lead me  in that dark tunnel we had been traveling, I prayed for peace and happiness in my heart, because I don't know what else I can do.

I was amazed at how great he went off to school, how he got out of the car even thou he was so nervous, he was doing it, I felt so relieved as I pulled away from the school leaving him. I finally felt at peace ...............until 12 minutes later and as I pulled into work my cell phone started ringing and it was the Prince............sobbing so hard that a teacher had to get on the line with me. He was having a major anxiety, panic attack. I whipped my car around and 12 minutes later I was there at the school ..... only 24 minutes into the new school year ............thinking to myself ...........obviously my connection to the big blue sky was disconnected or maybe I got a busy signal ..... because this wasn't what we had discussed this morning!!! I took PC outside and let him sit in the car, I tried talking to him, reasoning with him that he's got this, he can do this, and when he was ready, we would try, try again. In the meanwhile I was back at sending my F**K, F**K, F**K text to my mini support group aka  girlfriends! While I was engrossed in my own pity party of "OMG's this cant be happening, what am I going to do", I realized that the car door opened and PC was standing outside of my car ready to try it again....... 48 minutes into the school year ....here we go again.

I anxiously awaited for the hubster and the Prince to call with how wonderful school was, sadly I didn't get that call, instead I got the call how much he hated it and wasn't going back....to many "thugs" and disruptive kids .......SHIT ,,,, there go my leaky eyes.... again........will this ever end??? When I got home I laid with the Prince and he told me about his day ... ... It wasn't so bad ...... and he had some very interesting stories to tell..........

Day 1 - we learned that one of the teachers had 14 felonies by the time they were 12 ... and taught in the prison system ... I thought the moral of the story was " They turned their life around ... and now are helping others". Apparently the moral of the story was "They aren't afraid of the thugs"

Day 2 - the morning had a rough start - Again I anxiously awaited for the after school call and held my breathe to hear how it went .....and he had a good day ... WHAT??? Seriously??? Are you kidding?? It was good?? And he thinks he will like it .... well .....he will like it better when the thugs are gone....

Day 3 - Stomach bug - for all those nah sayers ..... it was real ... the smell out of that bathroom could kill someone ......

Day 4 - Had a good day ...OMG - this melts my heart.......he also met another anti-social girl ...
 and he decided that one of the teachers hair reminds him of his stuffed pillow when all the stuffing came out of it ... ummm yeah I don't know WTH it means....but it was a good day ... so I will take it

Day 5 - It was another good day - We made it an entire week (minus one day) - and he is willing to return on Monday!!! OMG - that's fabulous!!!



As I drove home Friday night, there is was......right in front of me.......the biggest brightest rainbow I have ever seen, leading me home. And once again I felt that flutter in my heart and I knew it was my army of guardian angles telling me that it will be okay, we've got this!

Now if we can just master getting our homework done...................